Oh man, what at trip. In no real way is this a "good" movie. I can't vouch for it having any merit based on story, acting, directing, special effects, fight choreography, or art direction. It is hokey, choppy, and poorly written. But nonetheless, this movie is awesome! Any movie with Wilt Chamberlin, Arnold, Grace Jones, Andre the Giant, and Mako - he voiced Uncle Iroh on the TV series of Avatar- should be on everyone's must see list. I'm just going to go write a list of all the silliness that is Conan the Destroyer:
-Grace Jones is superfluous and unnecessary in her wild yelping and semi-clad rage
-Wilt is not particularly stirring actor. But he is BIG.
-There is a serious plot point about the princess being able to contain her natural urges to couple with Conan.
- SO many gratuitous long shots of horseback riding
-The pulling the giant horn out of the demi-god finish was remarkably phallic
-When Mako uses "Magic" it just looks like he has to take a serious trip to the lavatory
Ratings
Former NBA stars: See it
Fans of Arnold minus a whole lot of talking: See it
Critics: Skip it (Seriously, why poison your barometer of quality?)
Up All Night on USA: Play it again
Can't accept somethings just they way they are: Skip it
On a scale of Road House to Grind House, I give Conan the Destroyer 1.978 out of 5 stars.
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