Clue (1985)

" I'm Wadsworth.  I'm the butler." (Wadsworth)
" And what do you do, sir?" (Col. Mustard)
" I butle, sir."  (Wadsworth)

I remember watching Clue for the first time in 1997ish and thinking, "whoa, this movie makes so much sense.  I get it.  I get it".  Yet on repeat viewings, it has become very clear that I know nothing.

I'm going to go ahead and novelize the executive board meeting when Clue was pitched in 1983.  Imagine, if you will, a long table with 9 men, 4 on each side and one at the head, all dressed in suits.  Our hero walks in the door and says "gentleman.  I'm sure that you have all played the classic game of Clue with your families.  You know, the game where one is expected to keep solve a mystery from generally fake information because your children and wives can't help but lie for personal advantage?  Yes, that game.  I really think that Clue deserves a full length feature release movie that can capitalize on its extremely loyal fanbase.  I also think that to do justice to the extremely thick back story, the film will have to have three distinct and convoluted endings.  Wattda you say?"

They gave this man money.  15 million to be exact.  (I hope he got paid on some sort of sliding incentive scale.)

In truth, I have a soft spot for Clue.  I love the cast.  I love the script.  I love the way the ending is a choose your own adventure.  But, the best thing about clue is that it was MADE.

Ratings:

Settlers of Catan:  I can't wait to see the movie.

Spinal Tap:  One of you bandmates took time away from music to make this.

Tim Curry aficionados:  See it

Hungry Hungry Hippos:  Also can't wait to see the movie.

Demand continuity in your films?:  See it for the effort, or skip it for the shame of how many errors that one could find that might contradict the multiple endings.

On a scale of poker with chips to poker with Lucky Charms, I give Clue 3.4 out of 5 stars.