Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)

Samantha: [while helping an aching Reacher walk] Dude, you jumped off a building.

Jack Reacher: Yeah, I know.

Samantha: Did it hurt?

Jack Reacher: Yes.

Samantha: Did you see how high that was?

Jack Reacher: Can we possibly have this conversation some other time?

Seriously, just don't see this movie. It's not worth it. I was sick on a couch and didn't want to move. I regret it even then.  And it's not because of anything that Jack Reacher: Never Go Back did. It's more that it is. The formula is so pat that I think I lost some brain cells from not thinking.  Even the New Orleans stuff.

Take the movie's advice. Never go back.

On a fun point, Tom Cruise really is ageless.

2.0 out 5

Akira (1988)

Kaneda (2001 Pioneer dub): Hands up now! Where in the hell is the frickin baby room?

30 years ago Katsuhiro Otomo dreamed of a frightening, fantastic, brutalist future. His vision has dominated Anime and even Western animation since. The impact is so profound as that it is difficult to find any Anime since that doesn't draw on Akira as inspiration or as source material.

Here's what's wild.  I watched the 2001 version blueray 1280 and honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between Akira and any anime released since on a technical level. It is bloody, gory, and stunning.

To the point, if you haven't seen Akira, it's never too late.

4.1 out of 5 stars. -the plot is a little hard to follow but that's not the point.

Now to geek out.  So, it is currently 2018 and Akira is set in 1988's future of 2019- next summer to be exact.  And Tokyo is preparing for the summer games of 2020. Yeah....that's true in both our present and their neo-future.

1.  How did Katsuhiro Otomo know that Tokyo would win the Olympic bid for 2020 what with him destroying Tokyo as a part of WWIII?
2. Did someone in the Japanese government around 2000 just think that it would be cool to emulate the future of Akira?

But, my chief thought was why has the technology that they envisioned for our now not happened? For example....why did they think that biker gangs on high-end motorcycles would still be a thing? I've done some checkin with now and not only are biker gangs kinda dated, but motorcycles aren't all that different from what was available in 1988. Is it just that motorcycles embody teenage rebellion and thus it was easy to co-opt it as a future vehicle rather than invent something wild?

Finally, my thought process on gore has always been that each success attempt at producing nausea or disgust in audiences is met by someone or some concept that can 1-up it.  Gore is a field of escalaction dominance.  The most recent is a linear process from what came before.   But, then why does the viscera in Akira still make me wince when it's been out of date for 30 years. It's as if the laws of time and inoculation don't apply.

Warcraft (2016)

Durotan: Can you hide your fat belly?
Draka: Better than you can hide your fat head.

And it is possible. A Warcraft movie beats expectations. You heard it here. Extra! Extra! Malcontent movie reviewer finds soul in mostly worthless MMORPG to cinema fiasco. Extra!

On a serious note, Warcraft: The Beginning somehow against all odds made me feel something positive. It's a trainwreck that one can look away from, but something about it wasn't just schlock.

I like to think the answer is casting Paula Patton and Clancy Brown. I'm huge fans of both and I credit them with being 100% of all of the watchable parts of Warcraft. (I know I asked why Paula wasn't in MI:Fallout.....this is why.)

As to why I was able to sit through the other parts, I'll really never know. I really just wanted them to say all the catchphrases I knew- "Zug Zug", "Loktar", "For the King!" etc.

Upon reflection, I realize that if they had abandon all the trappings of Warcraft and used the exact same plot and characters, this would have been an acceptable fantasy film.  Making this the first instance I can think of where brand and engrained audience was not a technical asset. Honestly, I like the ideas of a horde abandoning their world dying of magical evil to spread it to verdent lands, led by a hideous hornspined mage dedicated to destruction. -the set up is all there, it's just Warcraft that seems lame.

One should not expect a direct sequel.

1.9 out of 5

Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

Rachel Chu: I'm so Chinese. I'm an econ professor that's lactose intolerant.

Astrid Young Teo: God forbid we lose the ancient Chinese tradition of guilting your children.

Sometimes tradition, structure, and convention are a wonder to behold.  Like how there are mashed potatoes and there are grandma's mashed potatoes. The craft, the experience, the emotional connection matter. It's the indefinable difference between unimaginative scholck and classic.

And while Crazy Rich Asians is not new or innovative, it is tofu, noodles, mashed potatoes, spicy crab, beef stew, dumplings, and satay made by someone versed in the traditions that matter.

Go see it. Connect with it. Learn something. Embrace something. 

My own read is that CRA will resonate better with Asian Americans or Singaporeans given it's locations and characters. I like that CRA makes no bones about being Asian centic. While it does explain a lot for the audience, it goes almost out of its way to say nothing about clothing choices, habits, actor choices, multiple languages, cultural touchstones, roads, plants, and smells.  Turns out there was no need.

3.58 out of 5 stars

But dumplings made by grandma

Mission Impossible: Fallout

Ethan Hunt: I'll figure it out.

Apparently this is a very unpopular opinion.  MI:Fallout was bad. Pure and simple. It was bad.

I admit to that I can be wrong, but, as it is my opinion..pbhhhhhh

Here's why:

1. Telegraphing
      Everything was telegraphed to the audience in advance and with an Air Horn.  There were no twists. (at least not for me.) The point of a MI is that they can fool the audience or at least the characters.
2. Jokes
    It was not funny. And I laugh at basically anything Simon Pegg says.
3. Music
   I approve of musical statements: ie themes for each character so as to announce something important musically or make connections. The music of MI: Fallout was a club used to purely tell good from bad. Booooooooo!!!  Also MI has a great Theme song.  Why use it in such cliche ways?
4, Pacing
   Why do all "Action" movies insist on the same pacing? Start with a big action sequence to lure in the audience, must include at least 3 chase sequences using preferably Cars, Boats, and air vehicles: finish with a physical confrontation to prevent a horrible consequence that definitely requires a countdown. With many films, I expect that the writers, producers, directors wanted/tried to be creative and stand out, but succumbed to previous success.  I get the feeling that the makers of MI: Fallout simply bowed from the get-go.
5. Technical Elements
   On a fun note, I really did appreciate the return to to a less CG (or whoa what if it all was CG and I just don't know the difference anymore?) action style. It was clear that Tom Cruise actually was performing many of these stunts. Cool!  I like it.  Unfortunately, I am not sure that the crew, director, and cinematographers were particularly adept at capturing this kind of footage. In 1989, there would have been no alternative to achieve the director's vision. Everyone knew their game. Now, perhaps, the team is strong at the CG elements and practice, but not up to snuff on the execution of stunt reality.

Where was Paula Patton?  And Simon Pegg, I want to see you in other things.

2.4 out of 5 stars

Mama Mia: Here We Go Again

"Appollonia!!!" -Alexio

Well....I harp on unnecessary sequels quite a bit (understatement). And in this case, I continue to be correct, but it doesn't matter. MM:HWGA is a really just an excuse to have fun. It does and thus we/I did. If your spirit isn't transported by ABBA, then maybe don't go. There is certainly no excuse to claim "bait & switch".

Unusually, I did read a review of MM:HWGA, and unsurprisingly, I disagreed. Yes, they have to pull out "other" ABBA hits to make the film work, but to call them B-sides is wrong. One of Us is a purely great song. (I always want to make a chart to see if I can figure out which of them is cryin and which is lyin.) My contention is that MM:HWGA does more with less than the original. The original seemed to just flow effortlessly (seemed). MM:HWGA worked hard to achieve basically the same.

Bravo, cast, crew, ABBA and the director.

I will give my particular compliments to great performances from Lilly James and Julie Walters. 

Set It Up (2018)

Honestly Netflix, I am kinda upset at you. With all your learning algorithms, you should know; and I mean KNOW with like precision accuracy, that I will basically watch anything with Lucy Liu.  This blog might be Exhibit B behind that I actually went to see Ecks vs. Sever in the theaters. 1  So....

How is it that Set It Up was not recommended to me like immediately? The ads should have followed me around the internet until I relented. I had to type into the search bar to find it and for that you fail Netflix, FAIL! 

This is an obvious overreaction to a non-problem...but still Netflix. Know your customer. 

There is no real need to critique Set It Up. Competence is in high supply these days. Brilliance is not. But, solid B+ material can and is being made in abundance. It is nice to see that the genre of the Rom-Com is not extinct and that it has a future home on streaming services. Obviously, I would like to see Rom-Coms take more risks and be either brilliant or wretched, but that model isn't exactly a sustainable way to run a long term entertainment industry.    ....maybe a few will slip through the cracks....?

So Set It Up takes basically no risks in a well worn genre. It hits all the highlights and conspicuously avoids any fail opportunities. Thus does it succeed. And, of course, Lucy Liu. 

I liked that two people of color are depicted as successful in their professions and as a realistic couple. Obviously, it's not all roses for the characters, but I like that these roles went to Liu and Diggs. 

I also thought the whole nervous naked peeing thing in an elevator was stupid funny.  Well done. 

2.8 out of 5 stars