Captain Phillips (2013)

"You don't understand.  There is no scenario where you win." (Capt. Phillips)

I liked Captain Phillips.  It was well written and superbly acted. Unfortunately, I hated the cinematography and editing.  I appreciate that the use of handheld camera and non-centric camera angles pushes up the intensity of action, by allowing for whrring motions and chaotic jumbling, in addition to encouraging the audience to embrace claustrophobia, but I consider Captain Phillips and egregious overuse of the tactic.  If I were to talk to the director (Paul Greengrass), I feel like he might tell me about how difficult it would have been to shoot steady cam inside of a small lifeboat with 4-5 cramped actors. (Fair, handheld may have been prudent. I still don't like it.) I wish the drama had been slightly more staged for cinematic quality than realism.

I want to take a moment to talk about a cultural point that seemed to pervade, Captain Phillips.  Masculinity and Machismo.  Very few films really go into the details necessary to breakdown the thought processes and motivations of villains besides that they are rotten from heart to head. Capt. Phillips presents a more ambitious and ambiguous interpretation of our kidnappers motivations. Our Somali pirates are shown to be in pursuit of respect by any means necessary to be taken seriously. For the entirely male Somali cast, the characters have no rules, but self interest and the establishment of dominance. Intimidation is par for the course. Death is a fact. Respect is to be taken.  Under those circumstances and in the face of the incomprehensibly superior US navy, there was no hope for them, but the alternative was to accept their inferiority and total lack of power.

On a scale of ants to boots, I give Captain Phillips, 3.6 out of 5 stars.

モスラ対ゴジラ aka Godzilla vs The Thing (1964)

"You see.  Proof that a politician keeps his word. We will have everything complete on schedule." (Some random bombastic politician berating the press after the original typhoon disaster.)

Whoa!  Talk about your utterly ridiculous retro nonsense.  Watching Mothra vs Godzilla is an utter treat. -Especially for the power nerd well versed in Japanese cinema and location tropes.  I'm going to break down my review into two parts:  The technical (dry) elements of the movie, and then the actual lunacy that transpires on screen.

Mothra vs. Godzilla has some really interesting and funny technical elements to discuss.  First, I have never witnessed a more wretched and boring opening sequence.  It is an interminable suffering of waves and water that possibly cost a large percentage of the total budget. -Seriously, it begins with what I can only describe as Noah's Japanese deluge. Second, there are some very neat camera and editing tricks throughout the movie that allow for composites of live action the tiny creepy twin women who sing the odes and joys of Mothra.  And third, I appreciate the sincere effort of Ishiro Honda to not make all Kaiju movies the same.  Mothra vs Godzilla allows for creative DESTRUCTION and still finds ways to keep it interesting with creative pacing and threats to small children.

Now for the fun. If you have an open heart and soft spot for poor dubbing, Mothra vs Godzilla is a classic.  It combines just the right amount of 60's Japanese masculine and feminine characters, rubber monsters destroying obvious miniatures, (Point of interest: in this movie, Godzilla does not destroy Tokyo.  He actually destroys Nagoya.  There are some neat scenes of him pounding on Nagoya castle while mobs run and scream.), and a heaping dose of scantily clad "natives" who believe in the god Mothra and blame civilization for laying waste to their lush island with the horror nuclear fallout.  It is an ironic iconic romp.

Finally, I want to make a fun connection for you all.  See if you can hear the musical connection between these three.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZrnRUBmy7A (the first minute)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oyP0QHjty8
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx7PUOvTFJk

I think you will smile.  

On a scale of 大阪to大魚, I give モスラ対ゴジラ aka Godzilla vs The Thing 3.0 out of 5 stars.

The Iron Lady (2011)

"I'm sure you thought the same thing about Hawaii in 1941." (Margaret Thatcher)

I going to start employing a new template for the review of films on the blog.

General Sentiment
The Iron Lady was a derivative, thoroughly uninteresting look at the life of Margaret Thatcher and squandered much of its promise and all of Meryl Steep's performance.

Writing
I didn't find anything truly abhorrent about the script for the Iron Lady, but I did think that the structural design of the narrative was flawed from the onset. The idea that you could tell the tale of the rise and fall of Margaret Thatcher in a non-linear retrospective without having any detailed understanding of her life at Oxford, her inner motivations, or the inner workings of British politics is an astounding error in my understanding of what makes an excellent bio-pic. 3.5/10

Acting
Meryl Steep is excellent.  She used what prose and positions the director and writers gave her and became Margaret Thatcher.  Its unfortunate that she alone could not save the film. (10/10)

Directing
I can see that Phylidda Lloyd's heat is in the theater, and while that may have proven an asset in the directing of Mama Mia.  It was a detriment to The Iron Lady. If the script and ideas of the film were to be transposed back into a play.  I would go see it.  (2.5/5)

Ephemera
Jim Broadbent plays Margaret Thatcher's imaginary,dead husband.  All I could think of was Margaret Thatcher married to Harold Zidler from Moulin Rouge.

Overall Score
2/5

Ender's Game (2013)

"No, The way you win matters." (Ender Wiggin)

So, I never read Ender's Game.  I went into the movie unspoiled. I feel I am in a unique position to critique what others consider a literary classic.

So, I have to ask the question. How is it possible that all of the plot of the movie takes place in a 324 page (I looked it up.) book without it becoming a hopelessly insipid novel?  Seriously, this may have been the most fast paced plot heavy almost bizarrely sporadic sci-fi film I have seen in some time.  I didn't lose my interest, but  Ender's game most certainly did go through its plot at a pace that just about bucked me.  If the book does accomplish everything the movie does, bravo.  But, I think that Ender's Game might have been way cooler as two movies.  It certainly would have made the big "reveal" at the end more gripping.

Technical:  The space combat training scenes were filmed in a n extremely cool way.  I'm honestly not sure how it was made.  My guess is that the actors were on ropes and wires, and that the cameras were positioned in ways that created the disoriented illusion of zero-g.

Oh, can anyone tell me how the training Ender had to go through was in anyway useful to space warfare.  I mean I got the symbolism to his final victory, but beyond that it seemed like his training was just cruel.

Ratings:
Hippy Dippys: Skip it
Hawks: See it
Screenplay writers:  Please skip it
Harrison Ford: Good to see you in space again.
Video game players: Do you see your future?

On a scale of Angry Birds to Marble Maddness, I give Ender's Game 3.2 out of 5 stars.         

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986)

"Nuclear Wessals." (Chekov
"Everybody remember where we parked." (Kirk)
"We are going to attempt time travel.' (Kirk)

In my ongoing quest to watch movies from the 80s after 2am, I notch another Star Trek movie: number IV, the one with 1980's San Francisco and an Eco-message about whales.

I couldn't really count how many times I have seen The Voyage Home, but it used to be on TV every Earth day so....(Hmmm why doesn't that happen anymore?)

Star Trek IV is one of the most watchable of the franchise.  It's mostly funny, entirely campy, and hammers home man's future need for biodiversity. Obviously, it star Shatner at his Shatnery best and is integral part of the theory that if you travel back in time you invariably have to travel to 1980s San Francisco.

Technical Elements:  For a Star Trek movie, The Voyage Home is not a special effects power house.  In fact, it lacks any real special effects.  It does have one proto-morphing sequence when time travel occurs that looks hokey now, but must have been cool in 1986.  I did not know that it was directed by Leonard Nimoy.  I looked it up and he also directed the passable 3 Men and a Baby in addition to the unimaginably terrible Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.

Ratings

Trekkies:  Duh
Earth Huggers:  Of course
Serious Cinophiles:  Don't bother
Scientists: Nope
Topic for a first date?:  Definitely

On a scale of 1980s rent in San Francisco to current rent prices in San Francisco, I give Star Trek 3.48 out of 5 stars.   

Zoolander (2001)

"Hansel, So hot right now." (Basically, everyone)
"So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?" (Hansel)
"And?" (Derek Zoolander)
"And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius." (Hansel)

Upon rewatching Zoolander for the first time since its release in 2001-2, I can safely say that its comedic brilliance did not hold up.  Fortunately, watching it in a 2013 world reveals all new kinds of hilarity. I guess I never thought about it but Zoolander must have actually been kind of ridiculous to make; not so much the movie, but the world of the movie.  Basically, I think that both Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson had to endure the making of Zoolander twice.  One time it was just weeks of them in costumes, poses, clothes, and making faces.  The second time was the actual movie.  Seriously there must be up to 500 different photographic evidence ploys generated (meaning there must be about 10 shots for every one use and an additional 500 unused takes with 10 per.  So both Ben and Owen endured 10,000 to 12,000 photograph sessions in addition to the movie.)  The photos of them doing strange things are actually better than the film now.
Some examples:



Ratings:
David Bowie:  Must see
One liner enthusiasts:  see it
Photomanipulators:  see it
Will Ferrell:  Oh Mugatu
Into fashion?:  Totally

On a scale of Blue Steel to Magnum, I give Zoolander 3.3 out of 5 stars.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002)

"Tell me what to say.  But, don't tell me what to say." (Aunt Voula)

"Yeah well.....I'm the least of your worries. Listen - the family knows. Last night, Vicky Pavalopolos saw you suckin the lips off his head in the Denny's parking lot. Well, she told her ma, who told my ma, who told your ma. Let me put it this way - you're busted." (Cousin Nikki)

Authenticity is hard to put on film.  It's part of the reason that Youtube fail videos are so funny and live sports is so thrilling.  It is real. There is no acting just people.

I assert that My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a classic not because of it's excellent writing, and perfect cast, but because it is AUTHENTIC.  It is the Greek way.  I am part Greek, I should know.  (And yes, we invented everything. It's true.)  The church they used is the right church; the cousins all being named the same is spot on; the food is The Real Food; even the fruit punch machine on the top of the counter at Dancing Zorbas is perfect. (We had the exact same one at my church up until 2000ish.) Oh and did I mention that the wedding party looks a lot like the photos of my parents wedding, which they maintain was just like the movie.

From a technical aspect, I was shocked at how many wipes were used in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  I guess I just never noticed.  Usually, I associate wipes with Kurosawa or George Lukas, but I think the use of them for reality breaking repeat montage worked well: Kissing and leaving (over and over), different suitors (over and over).

Ratings:

Greeks:  Saw it.  If you are Greek you saw it.  And "there you go."
Etymologists: See it, love it, cringe (Oh and Etymology comes from Greek)
Wedding planners: See it
Tom Hanks:  I think you deserve some additional credit for making this movie happen
Big weird families:  See it

On a scale from eye balls to make you smart to the matti, I give My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3.89 out of 5 stars.

Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

"The line must be drawn.  Here, here and no further!" (Jean-luc Picard)

In part 2 of my Star Trek athon, the noble crew of the Enterprise E travel back in time to confront the Evil Borg and wrestle with the virtues of humanity's place in the stars.  Of the Next Gen movies this one is the clear winner.  The baddies are actually bad, the writing not so wooden, and the jokes reasonably funny.  I liked the space walk battle sequence and basically any time Picard yells.

I'm going to venture off now and muse about a growing trend in Origin Stories.  Lots of movies now days seem to insist on an back story for original motivation in any movie.  Tony Stark is atoning for his previous playboy decadence and achieving respect from his father.  The Wolverine feels betrayed for loves lost.  Yada yada yada.  But, now that I think about it, the Borg don't have a back story.  They are just evil.  Pure. No conscience.  Only perfection.  Part of me wishes the creators of the Start Trek Universe to create a back story, but somehow  the mystery and juggernaut mentality of The Borg might be lost.  I will give credit to Stargate SG1 for the origins of the replicators.  One android was lonely and shunned.  It made friends.

Ratings:
Collective Farmers:  See it
Rock and Rollers:  See it
Revisionist historians: See it
Cameo spotters:  Adam Scott, James Cromwell and a litany of other Trek alumni
Screen writers:  Witness how dumb and ham handed Worf is thrown into the movie, then think about how little anyone cares.

On a scale from Greatest in the World to the Champions of all time in this ominverse, I give Star Trek: First Contact 3.6 out of 5 stars.