21 & Over (2013)

"Look Jeff Chang this is your 21st birthday in the United States of America, Budweiser and bald eagles you go out and drink." (Miller)

"What up, Chief." (Miller)

"She's a hard 9 and you my friend you are a soft 6. Deal with it." (Miller)

There is a place in Cinema for absurdest party driven slightly post teenage stupidity alcohol fueled adventures.  In fact, every 4 years or so a new crop of those around 21 are treated to a new movie to meet their specific needs that are SO different than those of 4 years ago.  It's kind of a sickly brilliant business cycle for fulfilling the unrequited party dreams of the college bound/initiated. Good for you market analysts pushed for this movie's production.  Unfortunately, it is not original, a little too gross, not particularly meaningful, and utterly predictable.    Don't worry you can try again in 3.8 years.

I am still going to point out that I am utterly confused as to the time line of 21 & Over.  Here are the key things.  They are at a University (Northern?).  Jeff has an interview the next day.  At the end of the movie "The Chief" states that he wasted his weekend and has to go to work.  There is a pep rally that night.  So, if traditionally college football game are on Saturday with the pep rally the night before....then the movie takes place over Friday into Saturday.  But, who schedules an 8am interview on a Saturday?  More importantly, The Chief says he wasted his weekend and has to go to work, implying that the film took place over Sunday night into Monday.  But, then the rest of the events don't make sense.  Why is there a multifloor dorm party on a Sunday night? Why are bars just absurdly hoppin on a Sunday? A college football game on a Monday?  The timeline of this movie has some serious inconsistencies.

On a scale of soft Othroclase Feldspar to hard Corundum, I give 21 & Over 2.4 out of 5 stars.

Ratatouille (2007)

"Got your toque!" (Chef Skinner)
"Keep your station clear or I WILL KILL YOU!" (Colette Tatou)
"I haven't reviewed Gusteau's in years.  My last review condemned it to the tourist trade. I wrote "Finally Chef Gusteau has found his rightful place in history alongside another equally famous chef... Monsieur Boy-ar-dee.". That was were I left it. That was my last word.  THE last word.  So tell me, Ambrister, how can it be POPULAR?" (Anton Ego, Peter O'Toole)

"In many ways the job of critic is easy.  We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment." (Anton Ego)  I too am guilty of the fact that it is more fun to write and read negative criticism than to make an earnest effort to look beyond and designate something as NEW.  I find Ratatouille to be as close to flawless as any movie can be.  It's script sublime, the animation superb, and the cast: perfection.

I will point out that Ratatouille is the film I would use as the textbook example of how to use shape to iconographically differentiate your characters and give clues to their inner forms. Be on the look out for how Remy is made up of triangles, Emile is a circle, and Anton Ego is distinctly coffin shaped.

Ratings:

Critics:  Must list
Foodees:  See it
Franco-Cinephiles:  See it
Janeane Garafalo: I didn't even know you were the voice of Colette Tatou.  Magnificent job.
Mother who makes the best food:  Must list

On scale of stinky meat to stinky cheese, I give Ratatouille 4.19 out of 5 stars.    

The Way Way Back (2013)

"Please let your lady friend know that this conversation was entirely about her." (lifeguard, Sam Rockwell)

Sometimes it must be freeing to abandon all the rules. To just throw away everything that gives structure and meaning in favor of a swampy amorphous elegy to growing up and abandonment takes commitment and hutzpah.  The Way Way Back focuses on all the truly squishy, insipid, malaise that goes along with being a Tween with divorced parents. It eschews plot, story, timelines, and much much more to achieve its goals.

The one thing that I would put forth as a wonderful tactic to prove emotional points is the constant use of music and background noises.  There are few, if any, scene in The Way Way Back that are devoid of louder than average music.  The waves crash into the soundscape in unexpected locations throughout the film.

Ratings

Steve Carrel:  I like that you can pull of reasonably well intentioned douche bag

Sam Rockwell: I actually think this might be your greatest role

Monkeys on the beaches of Georgia:  Skip it while there.  See it later

Movie Makers:  See it, the commitment to lack of story is incredible

Water Park Enthusiasts:  See it

On a scale of Pop to Lock, I give The Way Way Back 3.9 out of 5 stars.    

Super Troopers (2001)

"Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?" (Mac)
"You mean Shenanigans?" (Farva)
"I am all that is man!" (Thorny)

Talk about your stupid movies. Super Troopers is the stupidest of movies.  There is nothing to it but stupid.  It's not Dumb and Dumber transcendent stupid, but it sure is close.  It is written with clear intentions, acted with sincere fun, and cut for maximum continuity.  This simplistic formula yields a truly endearing and irreverent 90 minutes of brash insensitivity.  Well played everyone.

Writers:  You were the actors. A rare feat.
Brian Cox: You bring gravitas to just about everything
Love one liners?:  Must see
Meowers: Must see
Vermont:  This is your movie!

On a scale of a litre of cola to a big gulp, I give Super Troopers 3.8 out of 5 stars.  

The World's End (2013)

"Tonight, we will be partaking of a liquid - as we wind our way up the golden mile commencing with an inaugural tankard in the first post, then on to the old familiar - the good companion, the trusty servant, the two-headed dog, the mermaid, the beehive, the king's head, and the hole in the wall for a measure of the same. All before the last bittersweet pint in that most fateful, the world's end, leave a light on good lady, although we may return with a twinkle in our eyes, we will be in truth blind - drunk." (Gary King)

"We're going to see this through to the bitter end. Or... lager end." (Gary King)

Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.  Choosing to play a drinking game along with The World's End may have been the greatest decision I have made in terms of movies this year.  Cheers, Simon Pegg.

Now on the review.  The World's End is generally worthless movie that is the best time you could possibly have at the cinema.  I loved it.  No need for pretensions, it's just good old English silliness in a time of pompous American decadence.  Cracker

What is it about English English that makes it so much cooler than god ol' Amerikan?  Is it the assumption of literary aptitude?  The cadences?  The rhyming schemes? The allusions? The metaphors? The clever word play?  YES.  All of that. We as Americans need to start upping or rhetorical game right now.

Ratings:

 Pub crawlers:  See it

Blanking Blanks:  See it

Business owners who model each establishment after another in order to maintain brand:  Skip it

Drinking currently?: See it

Sad and in need of a good or bad laugh?:  See it

On a scale of Liverpool to Liverpuddle, I give The World's end 3.875 out of 5 stars.  

Don Jon (2013)

*Some Spoilers*
"Tits:  The BEST, and ass: insane" (in reference to Porn -John Martello)

Wow! An actually thoughtful movie about the thoughtless subject of porn.  I found the characters to be extreme stereotypes...but I think the story was better for it.  Sometimes classic tropes get the job done.  Did I mention this movie was made by Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  As first attempts go, I am astounded.  It seemed to me that he set out to hopefully show bros and ladies "out for the total package" that, no matter what, true human emotional connection will trump physical attraction, lust, and voyeurism.  Talk about some balls.

If you are uncomfortable with bro-mentality, machismo, or male facade...this movie might not be for you.  Bu, I still highly suggest it. (It's lopsided, one-way thinking for a good cause.)

Ratings:

Scar Jo:  You consistently surprise me with your acting, but yeah you are extremely attractive.

Tony Danza:  You were perfect in  your role.  Perfect

The Catholic church:   Yeah that whole scene and plot about confession forced me to ask..how do they dole out Hail Marys.  What are the metrics?

Guy I once unknowingly bought  reel to reel 1970s swedish erotica from at a storage unit sale:  See it

Budding film makers:  See it

On a scale of Professor XXX to XXX (with Ice-Cube not Vin Diesel) I give Don Jon 3.89 out of 5 stars.  

Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

"Guns are for show.  Knives are for pros."

"It's as kosher as Christmas." (Tom)
"The Jews don't celebrate Christmas."(Nick the Greek)

Hmmmmm maybe Guy Ritchie once aspired to be Yasujirou Ozu.  I have seen films of his after Lock Stock and Snatch and I think he should just keep doing what he was doing.  It's not often that I consider a film to be of quality.  Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is not perfect but it is of quality.  When people consider it along with Snatch, I hope they don't take the easy way out and say that Snatch is just Lock Stock done again.  I like to think of it as two competing recipes for a great EPA beer.  Both are beer, both are EPA's but just different.  If Guy Ritchie and actors from this movie wanted to keep making beer again and again in different variation.  I would watch it and be happy.

Ratings:

Thugs:  See it

Sting:  You are in it. (cool!)

Accenters:  See it

Hate voiceovers?: Skip it (They're everywhere.)

Poker cheats:  See it

On a scale of fish'n chips to fis'n cheeps, I give Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels 3.78 stars out of 5.