The Beastmaster (1982)

"Don't move. The beast is fierce. But if we show no fear, we might escape." -Dar

I have very fond memories of watching The Beastmaster when I was little. I remember enjoying the idea of having animal friends, being frightened by the prospect of ear leeches, and terrified by the idea of child sacrifice in a burning pit to a demon god. If you had asked me then, at the age of 9 or 10, I would have said The Beastmaster was an excellent movie.

But, somewhere in those intervening years, I changed. I lost something. I lost the very thing that allowed me to look beyond The Beastmaster's faults. I grew up. When I watched it this time, The Beastmaster was painful to view.  The dialogue is stilted.  There are glaring editing errors. The plot doesn't quite make sense, and its terror was negligible. This makes me both happy to know that I see with clear eyes, but sad that the magic of film is now diminished.

On a totally different point. I didn't realise that The Beastmaster came out just 3 months after Conan: The Barbarian. (And I can't help but compare them, -It seems obvious to me that Conan: The Barbarian is the better film.) Why were two fantasy films about about shirtless greased up men in the desert made at near the same time? Was there some need in Hollywood to find a way to recapture muscled masculinity in the early 80's? Could they both be a cultured response to the election of Regean? Perhaps our laconic muscled heroes serve as allegory for America taking down the dark power of Russia? Or there was a concern that youths interested in fantasy would turn out soft; and that muscle-bound heroes could save western/American culture from decay? The simplest explanation is that two companies came across the same ideas at the same time and backed two different horses around the same concept: Ala Deep Impact and Armageddon.

Bright spots for The Beastmaster include the performances of John Amos and Rip Torn. Neither were remarkable, but both were serviceable.

On a scale of 1 Falcon, 1 Panther, and  2 Ferrets to 1 Polar Bear, 2 Shadowcats, 1 Bear, 1 Eagle, and 1 wolf, I give The Beastmaster 2.1 out of 5 stars.