Man of Steel (2013)

"A good death is it's own reward." (Christopher Meloni and Antje Traue)

*Spoilers*

Perhaps I am showing my age and disillusion with modern blockbusters.  But, I did not like Man of Steel.  It squandered what is a strong narrative and deep mythology on special effects and explosions without soul or merit.

The history and mythology of Superman is so deep and so full that I consider Man of Steel a slight disservice to the franchise.

However, it wasn't all bad.  Nor, was it all that bad.  The cast with the exception of Amy Adams was phenomenal.  (Amy, I like you.  You're good in just about everything.  But, in this instance, you were somehow off the mark. )  The costumes were fantastic.  I actually loved the new superman suit, the Jor-el armor, and General Zod's body mech suits.  The best acting of the film belongs to Russell Crowe, and runner up to Michael Shannon.  Zod is a  product of the old Kyrpton.  There is no compromise.  His portrayal was well crafted.

But, none of that can really make up for the writers, director, and producer abject failure to create a meaningful and engrossing film.  I understand this was directed by Zach Snyder, but it might as well have been directed by Michael Bay.  The misuse of all characters identities, the rejection of crucial and emotionally connective drama in favor of DESTRUCTION coupled with soulless CGI fighting, and the poor handling of the finale ensured that Man of Steel squandered all the potential it had.  It is a point of pride that perhaps more CGI city town and planet was destroyed in Man of Steel than the MB Transformers.

Honestly, if you are going to eschew plot and drama for 3D ridiculousness at least have your CGI look better than the Matrix Reloaded which came out in 2003.  (10 years ago).

Oh and the plot given that all of the important parts are actually skipped over was just over the mendoza silly line.

Ratings

Richard Schiff:  Love you in everything.  I was actually sad that you died.

Kevin Costner:  You did a good job, but your character was misused and hammy.

Story Writers:  Skip it.  Terrible time sequencing, terrible choice of scenes, and abysmal understanding of drama

CGI guys:  See it for the Krypton liquid metal tech, but skip everything else.

Cannonists:  How can Superman make the bottle city of Kandor, if he destroys his capsule?

On a scale kneeling before ZOD to feeling ZOD's wrath, I give Man of Steel 3 out of 5 stars

  

Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)

*Spoilers*

"Whoa! Are you two in a fight?  What is that like?" (James T. Kirk)

Hmmmm.  I am not generally in favor of remakes.  So, I am unsure where Star Trek: Into Darkness fits in.  It's not a remmake, but it is a rehash.  It was silly and breaks with many facets of the Star Trek that I know and love, but it was magnificent and well crafted with a superior cast.  It's like if someone told you there was liver in your hamburger, but you couldn't taste it, and you still truly thought it delicious.  

So, I am going to throw out any comparisons that I could make to The Wrath of Khan in favor of thinking of them as heartfelt homages and fantastic story writing.  

J.J. Abrams, How are you so awesome at things?  I don't quite get how you can keep making such amazing things and not suffer a few flops.  Even Cloverfield had enough suspense and cool for me to forgive it for lacking a true story.  Can I intern for you at Bad Robot?  If you are a reader of this blog, please leave an email address where I can send a resume and as many letters of recommendation as I can muster.  

Now to the movie.  I think the true winner of the movie was Benedict Cumberbatch.  I don't know if I would have accepted a role as the great and powerful KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN, who was so competently portrayed by Ricardo Montalban.  Yet, Cumberbatch arrives at his evil and despotic ways through a far more cool, meticulous, and scary portrait of the written character.  One portrayal wore his madness on his sleeve, the other buried in a poker face.  

While there are many people that deserve adulation for Star Trek: Into Darkness, I am going to give mine to the story writers for their ability to write a wonderfully circular narrative that remained true to itself yet still invoked the ashes of The Wrath of Khan.  What would a second Star Trek movie without a KKKKHHHHHHHAAAAAANNNNNN and a selfless sacrifice.  I know, I should have seen the death of Kirk instead of Spock coming from the second his command was taken away, but I admit it, I was caught up in the story too much to see the inner workings of the script. I will also add a bravo to the story writers for their solution to death because it saved everyone from a reimmagining of the truly dreadful Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.  (Unquestionably the worst Star Trek movie of them all.)  

Ratings:

Abrams-ophiles:  See it 

Scots:  Skip it (Simon Pegg I like you, but you Scottish accent is not perfect. I'm not Scottish so take that for what you will.)

Trekkies:  Must See

Obsessive Continuity Seekers:  Skip it (If you have seen any other Star Trek films of TV you know that the trip to Cronus takes days and not minutes.  For the purposes of this film time, distance, and space are purely abstract concepts meant for narrative push not continuity,)

Karl Urban:  More of you in all things please

On a scale of Ayn Rand to The Borg, I give Star Trek: Into Darkness 3.75 stars out of 5.   

The Princess Bride (1987)

"Beat it or I'll call the brute squad" (Miracle Max -Billy Crystal)
"I'm on the brute squad." (Fezzig -Andre the Giant)
"You are the brute squad (Miracle Max)

"Inconceivable!" (Venzini)
"Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line" (Venzini)

"My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die."

"To the death?" (Prince Humperdink)
"No, to the pain." (Wesley)

I don't think I need to write a great deal about how amazing the The Princess Bride is.  Walk up to any person between the ages of 20 and 40.  Reference The Princess Bride and watch the smile light up across their face.

No more needs be said.

Ratings

Mark Knoffler:  Your score is amazing

Rob Reiner:  I don't really know how you could improve upon your direction

Peter Faulk/Fred Savage:  You are now forever immortalized as Grandpa and Kevin

Lovers:  A must

Haters:  I've never met one for this movie.  I don't think there are any.

On a scale of one shot of iocane powder to the supposed 100 beers that Andre The Giant drank in one sitting, I give The Princess Bride 4.3 out of 5 stars.

G.I. Joe II: Retaliation

"We're actually so deep beneath Germany, no laws apply." (Some Administrator)
"Ahhh last hold out North Korea. Gotta love the little guy. don't you?" (Johnathan price doing his very best Patty Duke and Patty Duke or Haley Mills and Haley Mills, pick your favorite.)
"Wait, isn't he? No. That's not right. I don't unde..ohhh huh? OKay...?" (Me throughout the movie.)

Wow! (Slow mocking clap.)  G.I. Joe II: Retaliation, you made my weekend.  You were clearly the funniest and most story worthy thing that happened to me in a 48 period.  Congratulations!

But seriously, I considered revoking the term "movie" as a pejorative to describe you and the drivel that was splattered on the screen nonsensically.  Wow!  I would never really demand my money back for a film, but I accidentally paid my 2 dollars in special quarters that I had been saving for the past six months so, YEAH, you owe me at least one of those national park quarters back.

I am thankful that the true stupidity of the G.I. Joe II did no lie on the shoulders of the actors.  Congratulations to all of you in this film for taking what must have been a script entirely written by an 8th grader who just discovered the font papyrus, and making it into the very best story you could.

But, to the directors, the editors, the producers, the hole checkers, and story writers, shame on you.  SHAME.  To make a passable G.I. Joe film from my understanding the only thing that you have to do right is to have slow moving longer shot fight scenes so little kids can get pumped and see their heroes fight.  But, the makers of this Joe film decided that the best way to film any action sequence was through frenetic camera shakes on a handheld, and so many cuts that it would make an MTV film editor blush.  I honestly couldn't follow any fight and didn't know who to root for until one character was standing over another.  I'm going to skip raving about how ridiculous the skyrope attack/escape from secret cobra hospital sequence due to it's pure distilled idiocy.  No one need talk about it again.  Ever.  (Why is your secret cobra hospital on the side of Himalayas to begin with?  How do the patients get there? How does the stuff?  Why put a healing center there?)  But, I must not leave out the directors and editors from this bashing.  Was there a conscious decision to ignore the rules of time and space for the purposes of this movie?  If you did, kudos.  But, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you just forgot to even think about it.  Characters travel thousands of miles in the space of few cuts, without vehicles, and without time passing.  Supposedly, the movie is set over a 48 hr period, but when the 48 hr starts no satellites are in orbit, no nuclear summit has been called, our character are either underneath Germany, in Iraq, or in Japan (oh yeah the RZA.),  Yet, even as all of those characters globe trot and don't sleep, the Cobra manages to launch a global satellite network and hold an impromptu nuclear summit at Fort Sumter all within those 48hrs.  Oh and no I didn't notice that you used the exact same cut back of a tank charging through the desert as a filler twice to enhance that the assault on Fort Sumter.  (South Carolina is in the desert. Right?)

Ratings

Critics:  Please Please Please YES!!

Channing Tatum.  I hope you got paid more because you became a star after filming your brief scene and they used you in all of their promotional materials.

Real or Fake Ninjas:  Skip it

Directors: Skip it

G.I. fans:  Skip it (It has sullied the franchise.)

On a scale from "cause, knowledge is power" to "the more you know", I give G.I. Joe II .75 out of 5 stars.  

Frost/Nixon

"We're gonna make those MOTHERF***ers choke!" (Richard Nixon)
"Frame the question as a Quaker." (Bob Zelnick)
"Did you do any fornicating?" (Richard Nixon)
"I've never been challenged to a duel before." (Richard Nixon)

Okay, I admit it.  I have sort of a Nixon thing. I've seen lots of movies about him.  I've read 3 biographies cover to cover, and I still am fascinated by Richard Milhouse Nixon.  I hate the man.  Never was the term 'Schnook" ever more aptly applied to politician, but still I love the way he swore "Cocksuuuuckkers", love the way he fought; people thought he was dead with Checkers, they thought he was dead with Kennedy, they thought he was dead with the Governor of California, but still Richard Nixon persevered.  Never was their a President with more drive to "show um all" than Richard Nixon.  They only president to literally have to say to the American people "I am not a crook."  -As a side note to any of you who may now be regulars to the blog, if you have to tell someone you are not a crook; you are.

Now to the movie.  I loved it.  However, it will strictly not appeal to a large portion of you.  1. It has Richard Nixon. 2. It is a movie about a set of documentary interviews.  (whoa, meta)  3.  If you watch real close,Clint Howard is in it and I know some of you have hated him in everything just because of the "The Ice Cream Man". (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113376/)  But, if you are willing to give Frost/Nixon a chance and you love nerdy nerdy history, rhetoric, 70s technology, 70s fashion, and the Grand Arena of political debate and philosophy then Frost/Nixon is for you.

It has two wonderful performance from the leads.  Michael Sheen proves that he can in fact transform himself into basically anyone.  He will never ever be type cast.  Just for funsies, watch Tron Legacy and then Frost/Nixon to see if you can even fathom the differences in what Mr. Sheen can do.  As for Frank Langella, there is little to be said.  He was the best Nixon that I have ever seen on screen.

Ratings

60s Democrats:  See it

70s Democrats: See it

Those that are currently powerful:  See it

Those who are consistently and constantly mad at the world:  See it ( I hope it helps to break the cycle you are in.)

Rhetoriticians:  See it

On a scale of kickin Nixon around once to not having Nixon to kick around anymore, I give Frost/Nixon 4.1 stars out of 5.

 

The Karate Kid part II (1986)

"Do you think you could break a log like that?" (Daniel)
"Don't know.  Never been attacked by tree." (Mr. Miyagi)

I'm actually leaning towards pronouncing that the Karate Kid part II is a better movie than The Karate Kid.  I don't mean that part II is anywhere near the icon of the 1980's that part I is...but in terms of acting, story, storytelling, editing, directing, and music, part II may hold an edge.  (This may just be a simple outcome of that part II had a greater budget and was made at a slower pace.)

It makes me wonder why so many other unplanned part II's fail so miserably.  Do they push production in order to better capture the diminishing hype of the original?  Do they cut costs below the original in order to recoup greater percentage profits?  I think of the Karate Kid part II as an example of sequel that works and does not in anyway tarnish the original.  (ohhh but part III does....oh it so totally does.)

There are two things that I think an average view should try to take in while watching the Karate Kid part II. The first is that the music of the movie is outstanding.  Just listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E41MJFJveUI

The second is that Tamlyn Tomita should have
 been a bigger star.  She was clearly the best actress in the movie and better than Macchio.

Ratings:

Real Okinawans:  Saw it in 1986.  It does feature the Obon dance..but very few okinawans.  It might be better to skip it

Karate experts:  Skip it

Pat Moritaphiles:  See it  (Must list.) at his most awesome

Those without HONOR:  See it  (learn the perils of fighting foreigners at the mid summer festival in a 16th century castle.)

Grew up in the 80s?:  See it  (always worth a trip into the 80s.)

On a scale of Bittermelon to Watermelon, I give Karate Kid part II 3.75 out of 5 stars.