Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

"Oh this burrito is delicious, but it is filling." ( Ron Burgandy)

"That's how I role." (Jack Black)

"No commercials! No MERCY!" (Public News Team anchor: Tim Robbins)

Oh Anchorman.  You are so funny.  I love you like Baxter.  Because you are my little gentleman.  Anchorman plays to its strengths.  Will Ferrell is funny.  They let him be funny.  Late 70s fashion and mustaches are funny.  Lots of those too.  Over the top disgusting machismo is funny when presented as absurdity in the light of reason.  Bada Bing.  Mix them all together and success.  

On the other hand, Anchorman makes literally no sense.  Characters break the 4th wall, scenes are cut in awkward places, reality loses all meaning, and the barrage of jokes eliminates any sense of meaningful audience investment.  But, none of that matters.  Anchorman is hysterical. 

Ratings

Sexists: See it.  Look at how ridiculous your notions are.  We laugh at them.  

AnchorPeople:  See it.

Milk choosers: Bad choice

Flautists:  See it

That guy Britt stabbed with a trident while ridding a horse: See it.  

On a scale of Whammmie to And boom goes the dynamite, I give Anchorman 3.689 out of 5 stars.  

Crazy Stupid Love (2011)

"Are you Steve Jobs?" (Jacob)

I'm honestly very proud of myself for finishing this film. It could not have been more cliche.  To be more cliche would have in fact been trying.  Why did I watch this?  I don't quite get it.  Ryan Gosling's big move it to casually bring up Dirty Dancing and then do the move from Dirty Dancing.  If the big move of this movie is in fact to reference another movie....Watch Dirty Dancing.  I hated the script, I hated the characters and I most definitely could have cared less about the big twist at the end.  In other words, I think the people who made this film dreamed big but then were seduced by the dark side of Hollywood and the rom-com Hot Dish of the minute school of money making.  Blghhhhhh.  

Ratings:

Dirty Dancers: Please don't

Gosling-ites:  pays yours money and feasts yours eyes.  

Girl from NCIS and 21 (Liza Lapira):  best part of the movie

Pick up artist: skip it

Young Couples:  terrible choice

On a scale of bimbo bombo to bimbo bombo zombo vombo combo, I give Crazy Stupid Love 2 out of 5 stars.

World War Z (2013)

"It's not a cure.  It's camouflage." (Gerry)

I can, with certainty, say that I enjoyed the circumstances surrounding my viewing of World War Z.  But, the movie is utter garbage.  However, it provided me with some unique thoughts on film making and story telling.  I'll list and then write about each point.

Information as a scarce commodity within movie making:

I've thought about this a lot and it is true for me that the ways in which one chooses to divulge information or keep it a secret will make or break all aspects of a movie.  If you are making a caper movie and you telegraph the Kansas City shuffle, it will be a flop.  If you start a space epic without grounding your audience in the factual reality of your new world: flop.  World War Z never explains the background of zombies.  It just starts the movie off in the opening salvo of a worldwide zombie attack.  No explanation.  Then without plot or narrative, our hamlet esque hero is sent around the world in pursuit of ?????  Finding out????? And illuminating nothing.  

Writing with the idea of a sequel preordained:

Don't do this!!!!  Write a movie that stands alone, and if you are lucky enough to get a sequel, base it off of a free standing original.  World War Z was clearly written with the expectation of more to come.  Why?  I don't know.  It would have been far better off having a real climax and finale.  

Zombie movie necessity:

Let your zombies be zombies.  Crazy infections swarms of zlocusts are not zombies.  

Ratings 

Mer-people:  skip it 

Brad Pitt: you financed this yourself?

Israel:  you are just type cast in WWZ

Cardiff:  You are in a movie.  Huzzah

Plotists:  Don't.  Just don't.  

On a scale of shuffling to tomb spawn stairwell, I give World War Z 1.7 out of 5 stars.

The Natural (1984)

"I wouldn't bet against me." (Roy Hobbes)
"You don't understand, kid.  I already have." (Gus Sands)

"How long were you down in the minors?" (Pop Fischer)
"Two weeks." (Roy Hobbes)

The Natural is a classic.  It is worth watching for its acting, its story, its script, its shot selection..everything.  I think it has only become hokey at the end because of so many parodies.  Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Ratings

Algerites:  See it

Baseballers:  See it

Wilford Brimley Fan Club Members:  MUST SEE

Movie makers: See it

Gamblers: See it

On a scale from high and tight to "Juuuuuuuust a bit outside", I give The Natural 4.18 out of 5 stars.      

Now you see me (2013)

"Always be the smartest one in the room" (J. Daniel Atlas)

Caper movies can be so good.  I've wrote about them before. The true key to true greatness is like any good magic trick and the oft repeated line of this movie "The closer you are, the less you see."  I agree with the statement in that there must be distraction and a certain asymmetry to information and scope to adequately achieve magic.  I also think that "the prestige" is the true form of a magic trick.

While I think that Now You See Me aimed high in its scope and  grandeur it fell woefully flat in the magic department opting for spectacle.  I don't fault the actors.  Dave Franco is going places.  But, the ludicrous story and the hackneyed way that it all came together did not fool me or make me wonder.  It was just a few steps behind it's audience members.  Should have followed it's own advice.

On a different note.  Whoa! Do the four horseman know how to market themselves!  It's like their true magic is getting people interested and to care about magic shows again.  Seriously, the riot sequences and crowd that they inspire in New York City are ludicrously out of proportion to the scale of what they are doing...and they did this all with limited budget?  The business metrics of this movie are way off.  I would invest in them purely for the magic of whatever voodoo marketing tactics they employ to spread "buzz".

Ratings:

Houdinis:  Skip it.  Very little escaping actually goes on here.

Morgan Freeman: You seem to be in everything lately.  I like you but, perhaps you should be more discerning in your roles

Woody Harrelson:  I'm glad the truly ridiculous leap to safety at the finish didn't sully White Men Can't Jump.
Directors:  Skip it

In love with cute french women?:  Melanie Laurent you were the highlight of the movie.

On a scale of "Got your nose." to dumbfounded awe, I give Now You See Me 2.8 out of 5 stars

Hercules (1997)

""if?"  If is good."  (Pain and Panic)
"It's only half-time." (Hades)

ughhhhh so I hadn't seen Hercules since its release in 1997.  And it hasn't aged well.  I remembered that I thought is was slightly stupid and not that memorable.  On that note nothing has changed.  However, now that I am older I notice that the jokes are flat, the plot blah, and the storytelling silly.  Honestly, I guess that having a narrator(s) is in the best classic Greek tradition.....but the gospel thing just doesn't work and they make the story third party and create a dearth of audience investment.

Ratings:
Paul Shaffer:  You wrote It's Raining Men Any movie with you is worth seeing

Greeks:  Skip it (..but it is a true Tragedy)

Script Writers:  Skip it (when jokes are bad they are just forced and bad.  exp: "Gee Herc, they think you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita."  (eye roll -unforgiving groan)

GODS:  Skip it

Dany Devito:  You are unscathed. (could be worse.)

On a scale of Tartarus to TARDIS, I give Hercules 2.6 out of 5 stars.   

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

"ahh my old enemy: stairs." (Po)

"I hope this is better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water..." (Tigress)
"This is nothing like that plan." (Po)

"Taste the defeat!" (Po)

So...a part of me wishes that Kung Fu Panda had just been a one off and there never would have even been a Kung Fu  Panda 2.  I am a strong advocate of new movies, not sequels.  I just once want a movie studio, director, and the film industry to look at a film and say "You know what...that was good.  Let's not sully it."

Oh but oh if they only listened to me.  No: Cars 2  No: Taken 2 No: Breakin II: The Electric Boogaloo.  The list goes on.

oh but if they had only listened...to wait what I am I saying?  Kung Fu Panda 2 is pure Awesomeness@!

New rule:  Bad movies shouldn't get sequels.  Good movies shouldn't get sequels either unless somehow the gods align in a way that the script, the cast, the director, and movie studio are committed to a higher standard of art before even one frame is animated, or scene shot.  Sequels without commitment and integrity of purpose should be shunned.  (Unless they are hysterically bad, hahahahhahahaweghaghahahahhah, then bring em' on.)

Review:  Take Kung Fu Panda add an amazing villain voiced by Gary Oldman, up the mayhem, increase the Kung Fu soul, and deliver it all in a thick milieu of backstory and foreshadowing that is reminiscent of a great epic poem, heroic saga, and Monty Python and Holy Grail, and you have Kung Fu Panda 2.

Ratings:

Kids:  See it

Joseph Cambell:  See it

Writers:  Mythically see it.

Jean Claude VD: You're in it!!  (Master Croc!)

Those that take pride in what they do:  See it

On a scale from brown rice to white rice, I give Kung Fu Panda 2 3.75 out of 5 stars.