Hail, Caesar! (2016)

"Would that it were so simple?" -Hobie Doyle
"Would that it t'were so simple?" -Laurence Laurentz

"It's all in the hips and the lips, and the eyes and the thighs." -Carlotta Valdez

"You worship a God who doesn't love anyone." -Catholic Clergyman
"Not true. He loves Jews." -Rabbi (Robert Picardo)

Coen brothers be Coen brothers. They make strange amazing movies filled with beautiful shots, impeccable costumes, and quirky characters. Hail, Caesar! is an extremely average and not particularly compelling movie, but....it serves perfectly as a backdrop for the Coen brothers to just go wild with doing whatever they want. Fantastic! No conventions, no rules, no dynamic plot, just hysterical vignettes, gaudy dance numbers, and over the top Jesus metaphors.

In that tradition, here are some random thoughts I had while watching:

-WHY!? did synchronized water films ever go away?

-Alden Ehrenreich: you are a star.  I look forward to watching you in everything.

-David Krumholtz! You're in lots of my favorite things.  Keep on keeping on.

-Robert Picardo is a far better actor than anyone gives him credit for.

-Big Ridiculous dance numbers are back! Channing Tatum leading the charge.

-If I could just play a bearded fat 49er drunk in a comedic western before I die...

-In 50 years when they make a movie about the cinema business today, will it look so glamorous?

I fully recommend everyone go see Hail, Caesar!. It legitimately has something for everyone.

On a scale of 1:1 allegory to multi-layered metaphor, I give Hail, Caesar! 3.4 out of 5 stars.

Creed (2015)

"Time takes everybody out; time's undefeated." -Rocky Balboa

Hmmmm....Rocky V was so bad, but Rocky Balboa was acceptable. So with yo-yo like expectations I had my doubts about Creed. Boxing movies are generally modeled after the Rocky franchise, and I have become rather numb to their charms. A Rocky: The New Breed knock-off would be novocaine.

Fortunately, for Creed, while it does pay homage to the franchise, Creed employs a new set of dynamics, anger and advanced expectations. I liked it. -Though the dirt bikes and four-wheelers homage sequence was weird and too much.

Anger is a powerful tool for Creed and its director. Each punch is not controlled. They are wild and dangerous. With old, wise, often befuddled Rocky in his corner, Adonis puts more pure rage onto the screen than any boxing movie in a long time. Rage is at the very least exciting.

Advanced expectations is a more subtle texture to any film. At a certain point the narrative flips wherein our hero can meet his goal, but cannot not stand up to his own myth. Then the only thing left to do is fail and my my my is it satisfying to see an icon crumble. The exceptional reverting to the mean is a petty but deeply satisfying moment for the masses. Creed plays with this theme through the application of the "Creed" name to man who does not know if he can handle the aftermath of being judged. That's a story that resonates.

I won't say that everyone should go see Creed, but it was certainly of more value than the price of admission. Sly is a great Rocky, but Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler steal the show. I expect great things from them in the future.

On a scale of rabbit to sucker, I give Creed 3.1 out of 5 stars.