Mr. Holland's Opus (1995)

"Just some kid I taught to bang a drum." (Glen Holland)

It is a fortunate world that openness and sincerity can trump tactics and skill.  Mr. Holland's Opus always brings the heart and is a treat for all audiences.  However, if not for the uncanny skill of the producers, the director, and an excellent performance by Richard Dreyfuss, Mr. Holland's Opus would be marginal.

Most times I despise the use of cultural cue music interludes on a montage to show the passage of time. The Yardbirds always end of up singing -There is a season change, change- or Dylan dupes us with his -the times they are changin'- and we as audience groan for an overused ploy and the unending psychotropic touchstone that was the 1960s.  Mr. Holland's Opus has what I consider to be 5-6 moments of pure brilliance, that are accomplished through the magic of montage and music.  If the song and pictures are perfect, everyone's heart is opened.  If the song and pictures aren't perfect, cynicism and discontent fester.

Ratings:

Matt Culloton:  We have such a short time to be passionate

Cynics:  See it

Montagists:  See it

Script writers:  Skip it

Played in a HS band?:  See it

On a scale of Mixolydian to Phrygian, I give Mr. Holland's Opus 3.75 out of 5 stars.  

Eddie (1996)

"Stacy Patton don't play that way." (Stacy Patton -Malik Sealy)

2am and I can't sleep.  I've got an Ipad with an HBOgo connection.  What do I choose to watch?  Eddie.  Why?  I can't rightly say.  I'd never seen it before....but still I have no good reason as to why I sat through this movie.  It's really bad.

However, in retrospect, I have stumbled upon a far more interesting question.  Why would Eddie even be on HBOgo in the first place?  Why?  HBOgo only streams about 120 movies at any given time. Why is one of them Eddie?  Is there a segment of the HBO paying public who just demand C list unfunny comedies?  Do people just want to watch all of their favorite mid 90's NBA stars On Demand?  I don't get it.

Ratings:

Propbet:  My friends Dave and Zach have seen this movie.  (Possibly in the theaters.)

Malik Sealy:  We continue to miss you.

Rick Fox, Greg Ostertag, and John Salley:  You are way better actors than I could have imagined.

Writers:  As far as situation comedies go, this is some pretty flimsy writing.

Senator Clay Davis:  Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit You have a bit part as Whoopi's deceased basketball loving husband.

On a scale of Stojko Vrankovic to Rasho Nesterovic, I give Eddie 2.2 out of 5 stars.  

United (2011) BBC made for TV movie

"He's a real thoroughbred." (Jimmy Murphy -David Tenant)

I'm not a Manchester United supporter, and even after this dramatized version of their very tragic history, I'm still not.  However, should tragedy strike any of my beloved sports teams, I would hope that the actions of decision makers would be in keeping with the highest traditions of honor and integrity.  Well dramatized BBC, well done.

Ratings:
Footballers:  See it

Papparazo: Please Skip it

Sport Profiteers: Skip it

American made for TV movie producers:  Watch.  Learn something.  Stop being schooled by the BBC

Manchester United Supporters:  See it

On a scale of The Hand of God to 1966, I give United 3.2 out of 5 stars.  

White House Down (2013)

"The President wants to do the thing." (Carol Finnerty)

Have you ever thought you were watching one James Bond and realized that in fact you were watching a different James Bond?  That's about the best way that I could describe White House Down.  I've never been one to expect too much from the Action movie genre.  The acting can be subpar. -In fact, sub-par acting is often a benefit.   The story can be ludicrous.  The stunts can defy logic.  All of that is ok, as long as audience buy-in and suspension of disbelief never waivers.

White House Down lost my belief in 5 minutes.  James Woods always betrays someone in a movie. Everyone saw his telegraphed coup coming a mile away.  The para military men storm the White House with precision in about 5 minutes, but all of their bullets and RPGs can't hit the extremely broad chest of Channing Tatum.  All of the allusions were telegraphed like a Hollywood Hulk Hogan eye poke.  The bullet proof car, the flag waving, the thing. It went on and on.

However, the one thing that bugged me the most about White House Down was the constant and over-arching feeling that I had seen this movie before.  Every scene was just on the verge of screaming at me that it was stolen from a different and better action movie.  Imagine if you took a bunch of Steven Segal movies, the first 3 Die Hards, and a Wesley Snipes film and broke them apart scene by scene.  Then took the segmented scenes that made sense and spliced them back together into one amalgamated movie like that 10 second Star Wars fan project.  Finally, reshot the conglomerated film with your own cast on location for continuity.  Thus was White House Down made.

Oh and does anyone else think that there must be a permanent fake White House set somewhere in California that gets rented out per project.  It would be weird if every White House centric movie was in fact filmed in a brand new set every time.  Or perhaps this is a very modest business idea?

Ratings:

Presidents:  Skip it

D.C. Urbanites:  See it.  (Fighter jets in Dupont Circle?)

Feel like you should always have your shirt off when being shot at?:  See it

History Buffs: -actually, See it

Editors and Script writers: Skip it

On a scale of Def Con to Mos Def, I give White House Down 2.6 out of 5 stars.

The Internship (2013)

"We put it on the line..." (Billy McMahon)
"Chang your vocab, they're muggles." (Neha Patel)

Right, so my review of The Internship is predicated on basically one fact: -I didn't see it at full price.  In fact I didn't even see it for the standard $3 at the cheap theater.  I saw it for $2 on Tuesday when the theater was even cheaper.  If you were one of the few who saw it for full price...you will probably not agree with what I am about to type:  The Internship was very very funny.  It far exceeded the $2 I payed in laughter value alone.  Was it a good movie?  No, not really.

In some ways I would hope to be making The Internship someday.  Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are "old timer" by today's standards (That make me old too.) and for them to still be able to pull out the comedy on this level is impressive.  Did they pull off relevancy, youth, vitality, or any sort of non-absurdist tropes?  No. Does that matter to anyone but critics and Internet crazed youths?  Probably not.  I aspire to be at a point in my career where I can just make comedy and not care about the demographics or the details.

On to the META stuff.  The Internship is actually far more poignant than I  might have given it credit for.  I thought that it was really true the way that high intensity well educated millenials interact in pressure situations.  Oh and the that they speak in a language that is all their own, is also true.  YOLO.

As to the knock that The Internship is really just a big commercial for Google.  Isn't Top Gun just a big commercial for The Navy and or Airforce?  So?  Just think about how ridiculous and time capsule-like The Internship will be in 20 years when Google is gone and the current generation has no conception of what the internet was.

Ratings:

Aasif Mandvi:  Way to get back on the horse after Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Max Minghella:  You are an impeccable "douche" on screen.

Always have to BE RIGHT?:  Skip it.

Jeggings:  Couldn't find you in the cast or unaccredited cast.  Would love to give you a shout out.

Will Ferrell and John Goodman:  You're both big stars and yet neither of you are credited with being in The Internship.  What's up with that?

On a scale from The Internet to 1988, I give The Internship 3.1 out of 5 stars.