Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

"ahh my old enemy: stairs." (Po)

"I hope this is better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water..." (Tigress)
"This is nothing like that plan." (Po)

"Taste the defeat!" (Po)

So...a part of me wishes that Kung Fu Panda had just been a one off and there never would have even been a Kung Fu  Panda 2.  I am a strong advocate of new movies, not sequels.  I just once want a movie studio, director, and the film industry to look at a film and say "You know what...that was good.  Let's not sully it."

Oh but oh if they only listened to me.  No: Cars 2  No: Taken 2 No: Breakin II: The Electric Boogaloo.  The list goes on.

oh but if they had only listened...to wait what I am I saying?  Kung Fu Panda 2 is pure Awesomeness@!

New rule:  Bad movies shouldn't get sequels.  Good movies shouldn't get sequels either unless somehow the gods align in a way that the script, the cast, the director, and movie studio are committed to a higher standard of art before even one frame is animated, or scene shot.  Sequels without commitment and integrity of purpose should be shunned.  (Unless they are hysterically bad, hahahahhahahaweghaghahahahhah, then bring em' on.)

Review:  Take Kung Fu Panda add an amazing villain voiced by Gary Oldman, up the mayhem, increase the Kung Fu soul, and deliver it all in a thick milieu of backstory and foreshadowing that is reminiscent of a great epic poem, heroic saga, and Monty Python and Holy Grail, and you have Kung Fu Panda 2.

Ratings:

Kids:  See it

Joseph Cambell:  See it

Writers:  Mythically see it.

Jean Claude VD: You're in it!!  (Master Croc!)

Those that take pride in what they do:  See it

On a scale from brown rice to white rice, I give Kung Fu Panda 2 3.75 out of 5 stars.      

The Untouchables (1987)

"They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.  That's the Chicago way." (Jimmy Malone)

Ahhh Chicago.  The Cubs.  The history.  The corruption.  The love.  The food. -I know a place on the north side that will make a hot beef sandwich with more fiery peppers than beef and dunk the whole thing in au ju for $5 #num.  That huge fire started by Mrs. O'leary's cow.  What a town!  If you didn't know, The Untouchables is the story of Elliot Ness and his cop crew's quest to run Al Capone out of Chicago.

While I loved the swagger, the art, the script, the acting (except for DeNiro as Capone), and the costumes, I think that Brian DePalma (the director) might have been more concerned with the visuals and subtext of each shot than making the audience connect with the major themes of the movie.  I thought there was a lot more that could have been contrasted within the themes.  One of the themes was that "The Law is the Law", while at the same time Malone always says "What are you prepared to do?".  More could have been done in this field.  Don't get me wrong, I think he did a great job, but the 8 minute illusion to Serge Eisenstien's "The Battle Ship Potempkin" was a little much.  That baby in the buggy falling down the stairs during a gun fight with sailors everywhere...sheesh.  (You should all see "Battleship Potempkin" if you get the chance.)

Ratings:
Sergei Eisenstein:  See it
Gangsters: Skip it

Lawmen:  See it

Black Hawks, White Sox, Bulls, Cubs, Bears:  See it (But know that MN will and should always beat you.)

Ditka:  See it

Hurricane Ditka:  See it

Robert DiNero fans:  Skip it ( I just thought. He's done better.)

On a scale of a knife to gun fight to a gun at a missile fight, I give The Untouchables 3.7 out of 5 stars.   

Willow (1988)

"Prepare for the ritual!" (Queen Bavmorda)
"I will own these lands, and you're gonna end up working in the mines. pbha" (Burglecut)
"Blackroot: puts hair on your chest." (Madmartigan)
"The last thing that she wants is a hairy chest!"  (Willow)

Sometimes movies are just a treasure of the past.  They remind us that we currently live in what was the future.  (It's almost 2015, Back to the Future II.  Where's my hoverboard?)

Willow is wonderful example of movie that reached too high, braved slightly too much, and was a success for having broken into the previously unknown.  However, Willow will not have the same impact as it once did.  Watching Willow in today's cinematic climate puts it in the rearview mirror looking back.  The joy and spectacle of  Willow was in looking forward.

OK; Adult commentary complete. Begin little kid commentary.......NOW!

That was the best movie ever!  Did you see those trolls and that two head fire monster? They were amazing and they totally went "blurghpphhhhhhhhhhhhh",  and madmartigan was all like "chaching kaching ptwing" (Several air-sword swings) with his sword up the stairs.  My favorite part the sled escape.  It was so huge and fast.  I could totally ride a sled like that and still end up a snowball at the end.  (mime steering a sled.)  OH and the army of pigs and the brownies that turned into baby pigs.

Ratings:

Ron Howard and George Lucas:  People gave you money because of your vision from Star Wars and Cocoon to let your imaginations run wild in an amazing new world.  Thanks!

Kevin Pollak:  You as a Brownie:  Priceless

Swordsman:  Skip it. Fine I admit it.  Madmartigan is not the greatest swordsman who ever lived.

Jean Marsh:  Upstairs Downstairs and the Evil Queen Bavomorda

Kids:  Must list

On a scale of angel dust to pixie dust, I give Willow 3.74 out of 5 stars.  

The Producers (2005)

"Fat, fffffffffat!!!!!! Fffffattttt!" -Leopold Bloom

"Unhappy, unhappy, very very very very unhappy." -chorus accountants

"What will people say?"  -Leopold Bloom

"I think they'll say wowowowowoz hubbubda hubbubda (panting) wowow." -Max Bialichek

I love Mel Brooks.  Basically, anything he touches is funny.  .  The Producers (2005) is no exception.  It is funny.  I laughed.  A lot.  Had I gone to the full on Broadway production, I may have hurt my insides from hysterics.

But, I must confess, that I am a purist, and while I enjoy mixed media, I am generally of the opinion that the dominant presentation should dominate an arts presentation.  AKA, I like it when musicals turned movies attempt to be a movie first and not just the glorified filming of the theatrical experience. In the converse of the way that the musical adaptation of the original 1967 film changed it's nature to become a theatrical smash, the film version of the musical adaptation changed basically nothing.  Too bad.  Very funny.

Ratings:

Don't live in New York?:  See it.

Unhappy Accountants: See it

Hotsy-totsy Nazis: MUST SEE

Film purists:  Meh

Satirists:  MUST SEE

On a scale of SpringTime for Hilter to TeeTime for Hitler, I give The Producers (2005), 3.6 out of 5 stars.



   

42

"Put the fear of God in em."  (Branch Rickey)
"Hey, Ni**** Ni***** N******" (Ben Chapman -Alan Tudyk)
"I want somebody with a future, not a past." (Branch Rickey)

Much of my own baseball fan career, I've been cheering on losing squads and hoping against tragic hope for a little bit of magic to make better teams eat their words and respect us as consistently dangerous. (MN Twins 1993-2000, KC royals since the retirement of George Brett, and the Hanshin Tigers 2004)  So it was with great empathy that I wanted, nay cheered on, 42 to rise to the occasion and be a better movie for even just a brief shining moment.  But, alas...if the pitcher is a bum, and the infield error-prone: the pace plodding, and the directing stilted, one will have a sub .500 season and purely mediocre movie.

There were some highlights to 42.  Nicole Baharie, for me, established herself as an up'n'coming star in her portrayal of Mrs. Robinson.  I expect to see her in more things.  Harrison Ford proved that he can still bring it in a wonderful portrayal of Branch Rickey.  However, for my tastes, the director and writers spent too much time on Rickey and not enough on what could be the better story of Jackie Robinson's relationship with his teammates.  And finally, Alan Tudyk: way to be truly despicable.  I hope you get more great roles because of your true commitment to your craft and role.

Ratings

Racists:  See it

Method actors:  Skip it

Time-travelers: Skip it

Historians:  Skip it

Baseball aficionados:  See it

On a scale of Hulk Hogan cheating Rick Flair out of the Heavyweight Title to Mr. Rogers cheating a 4 year old out of a nickle, I give 42 3.2 out of 5 stars.  

The Rainmaker (1997)

"Study up." (Deck Shiftland)
"Jury tampering:  I love it." (Deck Shiftland)

John Grisham has a serious talent.  He can write a decent book.  And his books can be turned into decent movies.  I sometimes get the feeling that his books and those of other authors are actually written with the intention of that they would become movies.  The purist in me would rather that the two mediums of print and film be staunchly separate, but storytelling has always been a mixed media so my saber rattling is all for not.

I learned something new about The Rainmaker on this go around.  The Rainmaker was directed by Francis Ford Coppola.  I have tremendous respect for Mr. Coppola for his directing work in The Godfather and The Godfather: Part II.   He has a really very smooth and elegant approach to how and why each shot is angled and framed.  In The Rainmaker, I though that the angle of the camera in both wide and close shots to be basically perfect.

Ratings:

Dean Stockwell:  Brilliant cameo

Jaws fans:  See it (Roy Schneider)

Damon Vs. Voight fight night ppv subscribers: See it

Always Sunny Fans:  See it

Shysters:  Skip it

On a scale from contempt of court to a court of contempt, I give The Rainmaker 3.0 out of 5 stars.