Butter (2011)

"Whatever.  I get pregnant like twice a month."  (Olivia Wilde)

I don't think butter was meant to be a blockbuster/  I think someone merely talked to the Weinstein  Company and convinced them to finance a loser at all the art house theaters.  And I think that makes sense form a PR sense...not to mention appearing to be a company that doesn't make decisions based on pure ROI calculations will create buzz down the road.

Now to the film,  I just don't like Jennifer Garner.  I've seen many movies with her, Electra, The Invention of Lying, Juno, and I've even watched some Alias////but alas.  She is pretty.  She hits all of her cues. She emotes.  She has crazy eyes, but still don't really like her as an actress.  I have no doubt that she one day may surprise me and I will eat my words written here, but to date I have never been awed by any of her performances.

Butter has some honorable mentions and deserves a huge shout out to the Casting Director.  (How did you get all these big names to be in something so small, silly, and wonderful?) *Seriously tell me your secrets.

And I will state that the true star of Butter was actually Yara Shihidi.  How someone so young can be so awesome boggles my mind.

Ratings

Never seen a butter sculpture contest?:  See it
Seen butter contests in real life?:  See it
Rob Cordry:  Your rock.
Hugh Jackman:  See your own rural accent and awesome line deliveries
Love butter?:  See it

On a scale of Butter on your burns to water on your burns, I give butter 3/2 stars out of 5/

The Mask of Zorro (1998)

"When the student is ready, the Master will appear." (Don Diego De La Vega)
"Kill him."  (Nameless mexicali goons)

Swashbuckle is such a cool word.  It's an even cooler movie genre.  Google defines "swashbuckle" as: to engage in daring and romantic adventures with ostentatious bravado or flamboyance.  (Now, that is a definition!)  Now, I know why I totally want to be a swashbuckler.  

The Mask of Zorro is for all intents and purposes the last great swashbuckling movie of the last 20 years.  (That's a big statement.)  I mean it.  The Mask of Zorro has all the hallmarks of the great Errol Flynn, Gregory peck as Horatio Hornblower, and Indiana Jones movies that came before.  I place the Mask of Zorro in such prestigious company.  (It's not the top, but it belongs in the pantheon and is way way way better than Zorro: The Gay Blade)

While all swashbuckling movies are action movies, not all action movies are swashbucklers.  I specifically state that for myself, an action movie cannot hope to achieve swashbuckling status without having all of the following:  A swords, B a hero on the side of right and justice, C contemptible villains, D No to extremely little CGI, and E palpable on screen chemistry between our hero and a suitable love interest.  Without these, you have no buckle to swash.  

The Mask of Zorro has all of these in spades strung together by a passable and above all fun story.  -"His sword sparkling in the sun."  The sword fights are spectacular.  Capt. Love and Don Raphael are beyond contemptible.   All the stunts are real and flashy, but not ridiculous.  And, Catherine Z Jones and Antonio Banderas have insane chemistry as actor and actress -their dance scene is an amazing sequence.  

Ratings

Those who drink from their pickled enemies to gain their power:  See it

Sword fighters:  See it

Love Catherine Zeta Jones?:  See it

Matt Letscher:  You are awesome!  

CGI hype-men:  Skip it.  There is and always will be a place in the industry for classic film making and story telling.  

On a scale from the man behind the curtain to the man behind the mask, I give The Mask of Zorro 3.8 stars out of 5.

Iron Man 3

"It's limited edition."  (Tony Stark)

*Spoilers*
Sometimes you just don't understand a movie immediately.  They hammer you over the head with a theme and powerful imagery, and all you see is explosions.  I saw Iron Man 3 a week ago and I think I only just get it now.

It was hard to not see that Tony Stark was suffering from PTSD after "New York" from the Avengers -which now that I think about is not a very subtle 09/11/01 illusion.  So, I went back and put my political metaphor hat on and reexamined my memories of this movie.  Originally, I thought Iron Man 3 rather dumb and a completely worthy part 3 to the Iron Man branded franchise.  However, with close examination I actually rather agree with the treatise presented by the story and the director.  Once it was revealed that Ben Kingsley aka the Mandarin, is actually just an actor and that AIM is controlling the dispersal and supply of terror to further their own economic interests;  I think I finally understood Iron Man 3.  The big and totally subtle....but somehow I missed it for a week, point of Iron Man 3 is that conflict is profitable and our system begets cyclicality and duplicity with regards to fear, war, and the money and power that flow alongside it.  I also now see that Tony's use of "drones" was a rather not heavy handed illusion to current political and social concerns about the production and banality of war.  That Tony destroys his drone army at the end of the movie I believe highlights the intentions of the directors and producers.

I thought it shallow and appropriate.  Turns out it Iron Man 3 is deeper and worthy of political discussion.

Ratings

William Sadler:  I love you in basically everything.  Nice job as the President.

Ben Kingsley:  I've seen you in some amazing things, and some true stinkers.  I've never been more impressed with your silliness and ability to pull of comedy.  Great Job.  This does not make up for Prince of Persia 2 or the Love Guru.

Politicos:  See it

Hulk:  SMASH!!!

Small Tennessee town city council members:  Don't see it.  Your town is destroyed by fire breathing people and FEMA does not cover that.

On a scale of Warmachine to Iron Patriot, I give Iron Man 3 3.3 out of 5 stars.  

Happy Gilmore (1996)

"I eat pieces of * like you for breakfast." (Shooter McGavin)
"You eat pieces of * for breakfast?" (Happy Gilmore)

"The price is wrong, %3*" (Happy Gilmore to Bob Barker)

"What?  "just friends" listen to Endless Love in the dark. (Happy Gilmore)

I would say without hesitation that Happy Gilmore is my favorite of the genre known as an a "mid-nineties Adam Sandler film".  -Billy Madison is a close second.  Happy Gilmore has everything.  Bad-ass golfing, Carl Weathers, Bob Barker, grandma in a KISS mask, that midget in Happy's happy place riding a stick pony, Shooter McGavin, and classic Sandler style pure stupidity based comedy.  In short, for my 12 year old self it was perfect.

At this point after lavishing praise on Happy Gilmore, I must admit that it is a highly absurdly stupid movie with very little snobish or proper cinematic qualities.  There is nothing deep going on as to the themes of Happy Gilmore.  Loser "bro" who loves hockey takes his magic shot to the pro golf circuit and wins.  That's it.  Simple.  But, I will give Happy Gilmore credit for having aged incredibly well since its release 17 years ago.  The same cannot be said for contemporaries like Dana Carvey or Mike Meyers -especially not Austin Powers:  Those films are horrible to rewatch.

Ratings

Bros:  Must see

Golfers: Must see

Hockey players: Must see

Andy Sandburg:  Saw it

Dating couples:  See it

On a scale of Action Jackson to Rocky II, I give Happy Gilmore 3.1 out of 4 stars.