Sixteen Candles (1984)

I propose that my perspective on this movie is probably jaded.  I was born in 1984.  I am not a girl.  I just might have trouble identifying with the horror Molly Wringwald's experiences on her 16th birthday.  This film has been on people's lists of classics since I can remember people having lists of classics.  Hence, my expectation level with this movie may have been off kilter.  My true favorite characters were John Cusack and his geek buddy.  Their knowing glances and unison thought processes were a nice touch.  I also like Paul Dooley in basically any role.  But unfortunately, this movie played on me like a damp old pair of slippers.  They may have been the best thing ever once upon a time...but now they sit in the closet getting musty.  Anthony Michael Hall was pretty good, but this movie just makes his breakfast club performance a variation on a theme.  Lastly, the character of Long Duck Dong was "funny", but ultimately not essential to the plot, and a huge huge huge Godzilla size stereotype.

Ratings:

Bill and Ted back in time in 1984:  See it

Went to High School anytime between 1981 and 1990:  Saw it

Retro-Party People:  See it

Uptight with high moral standards: Skip it

Curious about high school life before the internet:  See it

On a scale of "horrible cliche Teen sex romcoms" to "insightful commentary on 1980's high school tribalism, I give Sixteen Candles 2.6 out of five stars.  (If this were 1984, I might give it 3.5....)

X-Men: First Class (2011)

I'm always a fan of truly innovative origin stories.  The last time I really liked an origin story was when Stargate SG-1 revealed that replicators came into being because one android was lonely.  In this case, I was prepared to be sorely disappointed.  But, actually I was suitably impressed.  Generally using historical backdrops, in this case the Cuban Missile Crisis, as a platform for alternate histories is a mistake.  (Remember, Young Einstein??)  But here is a notable exception to my biases.  The sixties chic of the movie was spot on.  The costumes and cut scenes with Kruschev and Kennedy were not tacky.  For good measure the writers and directors realized early that the more allusions they made to characters and events from previous movies the more likable and easier the obvious plot/history holes were to swallow.  On a nerd point I loved two other things from X-Men: First Class: 1 the back story on Magneto's psychically shielded helmet, and 2 that Kevin Bacon can speak so many languages with passable precision.

Rating:

Marvelheads: See it

Second Date Couples: Skip it

Luddites: Skip it

Russian Military Commanders: Skip it

Applied Physicists/Scientist of Any Kind:  Skip it

On a scale of Daredevil to Inception, I give X-Men: First Class 3 out of 5 stars.

   

The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)

 

Peter Sellers reprises his role as Inspector Clouseau or in this case Inspector Clouseau's ladies man alias Guy Gadbois to track down the stolen Pink Panther diamond.  All in all this movie is silly, silly, and more silly. My highlights included two car crashes into the same pool, the half fake mustache and red blazer that made Guy Gadbois look like Rocky Rococo http://www.rockyrococo.com/default.aspx , and an uproarious scene involving Clouseau and a high powered vacuum cleaner.  This movie is pure slapstick with no regrets or apologies.  The actual plot of the diamond doesn't make sense, but it doesn't seem to matter.

Ratings:

Metalheads: miss it 

PUNitentiary Inmates:  See it

Cleaning Staffs:  See it

Swiss Discotheque Owners:  See it

Critics:  Miss it

On a scale from 1-pure ecstasy, I give this movie 3 out of 5 stars.  

Decision made

As I sit here watching "price is right" and generally feeling lazy, I decided what I should actually do with this blog.  I'm going to keep a record of the movies I watch and write a review.  Hopefully, A: I get better at writing; and B: people can see what horrible movies I watch.

Enjoy