Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

Ready for another 80's flashback?  Want to see another 80's flashback movie?  Can stand to see one more 80's flashback movie?  If yes....then Take Me Home Tonight is as totally passable and amusing as it gets.  Gnarly.  While I actually do appreciate this movie.  It's pretty good.  I also feel like it confirms my theory that the 80's are the new 60's.  The cultural touchstone of all generations.  Generational shift has occurred.  The awful dayglow 80's have taken their rightful place as retro-hip before drifting into blase only to be picked up again by punk supposedly un-conformist teenagers in the the mid 2020's.  There were many things I liked about this movie.  First, the characters blatantly use cocaine.  This was a good modern day movie decision.  Second, while completely stupid and unnecessary, the huge metal ball was awesome.  Watching it smash some cars was quite excellent.  Lastly, the soundtrack was picture perfect and a tribute to the decadent 80's.  C'mon Elieen. C'mon Elieen.    

Ratings

Hairsprayers:  See it

Eddie Money:  See it  (You'll get royalties from yourself.)

Post College Kids:  Skip it

Lived in the 80's:  Skip it

Didn't live in the 80's:  See it

On a rating from Carter to Clinton, I give Take Me Home Tonight 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Happythankyoumoreplease (2010)

 

It is nice sometimes to go into a movie with no expectations and find out that the movie is perfectly "good".  That's how I feel about Happythankyoumoreplease.  The script is quick, witty, and well crafted.  I really liked the segue of " I'm not going to stay here tonight" to "One night?  No.  You're going to stay here three nights."  Nice job Josh Radnor.  Additionally, Kate Mara should be cast in more things.  She seems to be a very capable actress in addition to her obvious physical beauty.  On the downside, there are no particularly memorable characters or scenes from Happythankyoumoreplease that make it worth truly going out of one's way to see.  This may be my perfect example of a "good" but highly forgettable film.

Ratings

Neil Patrick Harris:  See it

"Big Brothers":  See it

Hipsters:  Saw it before it was on netflix

Bro's night:  Skip it

One movie to watch forever only:  Skip it

On a scale of rootamoose to mashed potatoes, I give Happythankyoumoreplease 2.55 out of 5 stars.  

    

How to Be a Player (1997)

I wonder if Bernie Mac lists this movie under his credits on a one page resume?  My hunch says no.  How to Be a Player met basically all of my prior assumptions about it.  Yes, Dre (Bill Bellamy) is a "player".  In Dre's crew, he is the only "player".  Dre's shrill sister and friend are on a quest to bust him in front of all his ladies and make him repent.  Dre is so smooth one thinks he is going to get away with all of it until the very end (Dun DUn DUHHHHH).  The only thing that really surprised me about How to Be a Player was that it was not as derogatory or hurtful towards women as it possibly could have been.  Way to have a modicum of class Def Jam productions.  It also was at least interesting to see that the directors and producers took time out to at least touch on quite a few issues in the mid-90s African American community.  There was not overarching thesis....but discussion is better than nothing.

Dr. Dre:  Seen it (I think)

USA (up all night):  Play it again

BET:  See it.

Players:  Skip it

Haters:  Skip it

On a scale from Peabo Bryson to Luther Vandross, I give How to Be a Player 2.3 of 5 stars.

Brave Little Toaster (1987)

Hmmm for a story that had very little meat and such a simple plot Brave Little Toaster was far more than met the eye.  The characters were fully developed, (cute....but developed).  I thought blanket made for a wonderful surprise.  Hard to make a animated mobile character out of a squishy blankee.  Here is what I thought was most interesting about Brave Little Toaster: it reminded me of Toy Story and upon some research...it turns out the people who worked on Toy Story first worked on Brave Little Toaster.  Here were the similarities.  Themes included growing up, abandonment, return to childhood innocence, the march of time, and objects banding together to reunite with their owner.  The final scene was even in a junkyard with a compaction
machine that looked like the one from Toy Story III.  Basically, it was Toy Story BETA .5.

Ratings:

Woody and Buzz: See it

Got fond memories of your blankee:  See it

Demand action from your films:  Skip it

Over 40 ish:  Skip it

Film History Buff:  See it

On a scale of Sword in the Stone to The Black Cauldron, I give the Brave Little Toaster 2.7 out of 5 stars.

Afterward:  I see that there is a Brave Little Toaster goes to Mars movie.  That can't be good...but it'll probably make this blog sometime later.  

Stargate (1994)

Stargate has aged incredibly well.  It is difficult for me to separate the movie from the 10 years of the TV series and 2 separate spin offs.  With that in mind, looking back in this film was nerdy and enjoyable.  One of the things that stuck out about my viewing on this occasion was the decision of the movie producers not to break with reality, as traditional sci-fi does, and have everyone speak English.  I loved that a great deal of the dialogue isn't even given subtitles.  The film makers made a bold decision to let ancient languages just be....  I liked it.  It added another layer of authenticity.  To be clear there are many better sci-fi films and the acting was merely above acceptable.  But, the concept was "cool" and that was really all that mattered.

McGyver:  See it

Apophis:  See it

True Nerds:  Seen it several times

Jersey Shore Folk:  Skip it

True Historians:  Skip it

On a scale of push pops to ring pops, I give Stargate 2.9 out of 5 stars.  

Female Convict Scorpion Jailhouse 41 (女囚蠍 第４１ 雑居棒) 1972

Whoa!  Female Convict Scorpion is strictly crazy.  I loved it's seventies style.  The music and shot choices were just about perfect.  It made me wonder at one point if Rob Marshall got some of his shot ideas on character soliloquy and character introductions from this movie.  It was very very "Chicago" esque.    Meiko Kaji was excellent.  Specifically, I have always been of the opinion that mute main characters make for lousy cinema.  This movie breaks that rule.  Meiko (Scorpion) doesn't have a single line of dialogue until about 3 minutes from the finish.  Yet, she was mesmerizing in her role.  Unfortunately, this movie presents a extremely dire and horrific view of males as a group.  They rape.  They cheat.  They lie. They dominate.  And while that may be the intent of this so called "pink film", I thought that such a well crafted film could have presented a more nuanced idea then: MEN=BAD.

Ratings:

Smoldering with anger Vixens:  See it

Jail Wardens:  See it

Chauvinists:  Skip it

Enka Fans:  See it

Silent Film Stars:  See it

On a scale from Cleopatra 2525 to Firefly, I give Female Convict Scorpion 3.6 out of 5 stars.      

Paul McCartney Really is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison (2010)

This movie was borderline disgraceful.  If it was the intent of the creator to create Paul McCartney Really is Dead (PMRD) as a tongue and cheek indictment of conspiracy nuts then I have just marginally below begrudging respect for the endeavor.  But, it seems the PMRD was conceived with sincerity making its quality and content all the more awful.  However, if you are a Beatles fan and would like to indulge and alternate universe fantasy complete with plastic surgery fake Paul aka "Faul", an MI5 agent named Maxwell, a super fan name Rita, and over the top unnecessary references to "The Walrus", 10 out of 10.  Here is the best part of my experience watching this: I thought it was over at about 34 minutes and then was disappointed that the film had 70 minutes remaining.

Ratings

Paul McCartney/ "Faul" William Campbell: See it  

MI5 Agents:  See it.....wait I thought MI6 was the secret agent department....MI5 probably saw the movie in 1966 and realized it was ludicrous then.

Lizard People: Skip it

Ringo: Skip it  (They're never very kind to you.)

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On a rating of Deerhoof to BioDome, I give Paul McCartney Really is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison 1.0 out of 5 stars.  (Mostly as pity for making me laugh.)