The Hateful Eight (2015)

"You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang." -John Ruth the Hangman

"Well, cut my legs off and call me shorty." -Chris Mannix

"It's the stew that got me thinking." -Major Marquis Warren

*I went to the Roadshow version of the Hateful Eight. My experience was, I believe, enhanced by an opening overture, an intermission, and a high quality color program.

I am an old man with old tendencies, old references, and an appreciation for classic storytelling forms.  In this sense, I loved The Hateful Eight. It was a jaunt into truly theatrical Agatha Christy-esque storytelling. "We're snowed in so..nobody be going no where. We'll have to find the killer(s) ourselves." What clues were left? Did I catch them? What do I think is happening? The personal effort is the rewarding part. Knowing the answer ruins the fun.

I feel that enthusiasts of these particulars are few and our numbers are falling. So the decision by Tarantino to film in 70mm and host roadshows makes sense. I enjoyed the intermission and the color program. They give audiences a chance to discuss, use the facilities, buy more snacks, and speculate, much like stopping in between chapters while reading a good book.

As to the movie, it hit all my expectations, no more, definitely not less. I have high expectations for a Tarantino film and was not disappointed. (I doubt you will be either.) As I see more Tarantino films, I understand that he makes his own films with no apologies. I like that. It also means that if his style is rather static...that's the way he wants it to be. If he wanted to make a wholesome 50's screwball comedy without coarse language or violence, he would, and it would be great. He does not.

With that in mind, the violence and emotional malevolence displayed by each character of the Hateful Eight in turn is astounding, and that we (me included) laughed at horrifying things is the ultimate trick of a movie master. "mwhahahaha -dance to my moral decay, puppets." And for his prestige, it turns out that the audience is a exactly the same or worse as the characters.

Finally, I couldn't help but make comparisons to the films of Yasujiro Ouzu. I know Tarantino to be a fan of Japanese cinema, and it seems that he used the Hateful Eight's setting to make pillow and snow landscape shots in keeping with Ouzu Sensei. They are beautiful.

On a scale of stew made with chicken to stew made with pork, I give The Hateful Eight, 3.87 out of 5 stars.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

"You're Han Solo." -Rey
"I used to be." -Han Solo

"We'll have to figure it out. We'll use the force." -Finn
"That's not how the force works!" -Han Solo

SPOILERS!

There are two sides to this review. (In keeping with the theme of Star Wars.) The Light and the Dark. Together the two sides of form a review in balance.

The Light Side

Up against incredible pressure and Everest level expectations, J.J. Abrams succeeds on basically all levels of film: dialogue, effects, story, acting, character development, information security, symbolism, circular referencing, heroic narrative, and on and on. It is a new Star Wars for a new age, and I loved it. Very seldom do franchise films succeed on such a massive scale both financially and artistically. These rare films should be enjoyed by all. I particularly see the Force Awakens as the inverse of A New Hope with some circular references to Empire Strikes Back. I cannot help but draw parallels between the death of Obi-wan Kenobi and the death of Han Solo. Their mutual struggles to turn their sons back from the dark side, and to reclaim their former glory form an elegant comparison. *They both USED to be called General, too. The lightsaber battles in The Force Awakens were more inline with classic samurai or original trilogy fight choreography than the lightsaber acrobatics on display in the prequels. They were emotionally satisfying as well as technically sufficient. Bring all this together with solid acting performances by the ensemble and a quirky script that added well timed laughter and you have the recipe for a great movie.

The Dark Side

The Force Awakens is not Art. It is not new. It is not exciting and it most certainly should not be mentioned in the same breath as the original trilogy or even the prequels. It is the ultimate pander delivered in its purest form. I understand the choices of JJ Abrams and respect him, but it is disingenuous to state that he was bold or visionary in his approach or concept for The Force Awakens. He laid up and delivered an incredibly crowd pleasing PAR, winning the tournament. (polite golf clap). This is a sure fire way to give the fans and Disney exactly what they want. Disney listened to what the fans wanted. They asked JJ to creatively execute to meet their needs. He delivered. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. This is stale and should not be praised as anything other than a well executed marketing plan.(One that albeit, I like. -It was made for me to like.) I now have greater respect for George Lucas. He's the Tin Cup of film making. Epic failures on all technical levels listed above (and those prequels are bad) are more worthy of praise than The Force Awakens. They risked all and are unique, uncompromising, and ugly. And in that they are beautiful. The Force Awakens risked nothing and is inherently compromised. And with that it is ugly.  We can no longer look to Star Wars for greatness, just old pleasing stories that offer no challenge and no reward. (Nice, Par.)

On a scale of 12 to 14 parsecs, I give Star Wars: The Force Awakens 3.75 out of 5 stars. 

Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

"I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam."- Harry Hart

It's interesting to see classic actors try to broaden their market value and abilities by taking on action/violence. In this case, Colin Firth. I like Colin Firth. (That man really knows how to wear a sweater.) For this opportunity, I credit him with being completely capable of kicking-ass with the best of them. However, for my part, I would ask him to consider carefully his ability and brand. I like that Colin Firth hadn't played a violent part until now. It made him stand out. Every other leading man held a gun; not Firth. Do one movie with a gun and violence. We can understand.  Do two or three, and Colin Firth becomes just another leading male with a gun. I, for one, would say let Colin Firth be Colin Firth. Take on true drama. Stutter cutely with a British accent. Wear more sweater. Take on action roles as suits you, but make them good ones. 

Kingsman: The Secret Service is bad. It is a rehash of a rehash of a used up idea. It comes complete with a silly billionaire super-villain portrayed by a white clad Samuel L. Jackson. It also is strangely and kinda inappropriately blase with sexual content. I am all for sexual clarity and openness. More sex less violence is my vote.  In contrast, Kingsman: Secret Service is crass and demeaning with its use of sex as humor.

On a final point, I will point out the long incredible career of Mark Strong.  His voice and acting talents are undeniable. My preference is for him to be cast as the villain, but that is a small distinction. His role of Merlin in Kingsman is not a good one. I consider him miscast.

On a scale of single breasted to double breasted suits, I give Kingsman: The Secret Service 2.7 stars.  

Dragon Blade (2015)

"Wow, just Wow!" (Me)

So if you were not aware Chinese production studios in association with Ali Baba, made a movie about exiled general Jackie Chan during the Han dynasty. -Nothing strange there- But then decided Jackie needed to join forces with exiled Roman general John Cusack on the Silkroad in defiance of evil Roman Consul Adrien Brody. -Wow! That is a new one. Romans, Kung Fu, Horses, Latin, Uyghur, Spears, Swords, Politics, and Intrigue, oh my! Needless to say, I went into this with the lowest of expectations.

To my credit, much of what I thought would be true, was. Dragon Blade is ridiculous, ill conceived, weirdly Orientalist, outlandish, lacking in understandable plot, and full of laughable acting; in particular, Adrien Brody. Dragon Blade was also language wise confusing, but that has as much to do with my lack of understanding of Mandarin, Latin, Uyghur, as it does with intended audience, translation, and writing. I think the primary audience for this film was Chinese males, but a large part of the movie takes place in English; simple beginner English. As a language fan, I encourage multi-lingual movies and hope that many Chinese fans of Dragon Blade take up English or Uyghur, but in terms of film strategy Dragon Blade was difficult to understand. Why did the clearly Chinese university students with the cool laser technology in present day speak English to each other in China? I was confused by that. Oh, and Jackie Chan may have had as many as 3 wives and no sisters or 3 sisters and no wives, or possibly an incestuous combination of the the 2. It was unclear. I chalk that up to a misunderstanding of language.

To Dragon Blade's credit, some of it works. I liked the songs. The one in Latin was pretty. Jackie Chan has a nice voice for a rousing multi-ethnic work song. The final battle between Jackie and Adrien is a totally passable final fight. John Cusack plays a tortured and beaten up Roman general way better than a healthy Roman general, and the different fighting styles of the 36 silk road nations, the Romans, and the Han Chinese were distinct, obvious, and color-coded. This was super useful for the audience.

On a final point, I think Dragon Blade highlights my own Euro or America-centricism. I have to respect that Dragon Blade may be the greatest movie and that lots of Chinese movie aficionados found it compelling and iconic. At the moment, I am having trouble detaching myself from my past and culture, but for now I am at least open to the fact that I know next to nothing about Chinese cinema and its perspective. I would welcome feedback to learn more.

On a scale of X to XXL I give Dragon Blade, 2.2 out of 5 stars.