Draft Day (2014)

"How is it that in the most macho sport ever invented the prize at the end is a piece of jewelry?" -Ali

Here is the way I hope the meetings and pitch for Draft Day went down: A man walks into the room and says "you know what we need...we need a movie about the true drama that is the NFL draft."  "It's got everything.  The sitting. The picking.  The waiting.  The analyzing. The self congratulations. The insults. The football. The dreams. It will appeal to fantasy football junkies and those guys that actually watch the NFL draft religiously. Arm chair Monday morning quarterbacking meets the movies. Boom."

But the pitchman probably said, "Let's find a way to put Mel Kiper in a movie."

Draft Day is the single worst film I have seen this year.  It begs to be turned off.  And the thing that I hate about it most is that it violates my rule that drama and action should involve real people in the same room talking to each other. 75% of Draft Day takes place with people talking on the phone. Ughhhhh!!!!!!!!!! It reminded me why guys in their basement who have their friends over to yell at a live draft parties shouldn't get to just write a movie brah.

I think the only way that this movie might have been saved from its inglorious fate as an unwanted dvd in the 1 dollar bin at an estate sale is if Aaron Sorkin had written it.  At least then it would have been shorter and snappier.

Finally, I gotta hand it to the writers for not resolving any of the true conflict they established throughout the movie. The only major plot point I understood to be meaningful was the question of "Why didn't Bo Callahan's teammates attend his 21st b-day bash?" I would have gotten a lot more resolution and satisfaction out of even a brief glimpse into the future where either A. Our protagonist was right and won several superbowls, or B. Our protagonist is out of a job on the street because all of his predictions turned out false or C. a future where none of this mattered at all.

On a scale of two 1st round picks to my next two future ores, I give Draft Day 1.7 out of  5 stars.    

Edge of Tomorrow (2014)

"Battle is the Great Redeemer.  It is the fiery crucible on which true heroes are forged." -Master Sergeant Farrell

I went into Edge of Tomorrow expecting to Tom Cruise die -a lot. If that is your only goal. See this movie.  He dies -a lot.  Unfortunately, there is a plot and a supposed point to this Run Lola Run with aliens on an Axis and Allies board. If I had the technology to go back and do my day over, I would not watch Edge of Tomorrow.

On a positive note, I usually detest Emily Blunt, but I must give adulation where it is due.  She is a far better actress then I give her credit for.

Now to the time loop gimmick: I was about to applaud the editing department, the director, and the continuity team of Edge of Tomorrow...right up until the last 15-20 minutes.  It was reasonably seamless the way they made repetition, consequences, and mis-matched timelines work together. I was happy. I was impressed.  Then, they just decided they didn't care any more and ended the movie with a unexplainable timeline inversion from the death of "Mother Brain". After effects from an event in an alternate neo-future do not have consequences on the past before they don't happen. Understood?

On a scale of a very small light weight dagger to a FF7 buster sword, I give Edge of Tomorrow 3.2 out of 5 stars.

Aladdin (1992)

"why...the Royale Vizer..." (Jafar)

As a kid, I saw Aladdin so many...almost too many times.  And as I happened to wake up early on a Saturday to find it on a channel above 200, I said "alright" and proceeded to have a very lazy morning.  It felt awesome.

Quick review: Aladdin is one of the Top 10 Disney movies ever released and is a wonder for children and adults alike.  It features great songs that everyone knows by heart and the prodigious talent of Robin Williams. As I have aged I also give more and more respect to the voice actor of Jafar, Jonathan Freeman.

Now onto a topic of more substance; story compression and movie length.  I understand that movies are bound by certain immutable factors over which they have no particular control: the attention span of 8 year olds, the size of an average movie goers bladder, the size of big gulp, the number of usable hours in a day, the number of screenings that can be scheduled per day, and more.  In old movie days it was not uncommon to have an intermission ,just like a real theater production, and a standard movie might be a three hour experience. I have no particular data to back this up but my hunch is that movie executives know that for a children's movie, targeted at those 12 and under, their product cannot cannot cannot cannot exceed 110 minutes total with the goal to have the product under 100 minutes. That's about the longest any child can sit still and the maximum a parent feels comfortable plopping their child down for distraction to watch a DVD.

This time sensitivity leads to story compression.  Characters must make decision quickly. The plot must move swiftly. Time must pass in flash, and resolution must be complete and final.  (So long, denouement!)

As I watched Aladdin, I couldn't help but think about how much plot is stuffed into its 90 minutes.  If you didn't know the story and left for the bathroom you would be lost.  The inner cinophile in me would want to see multiple formats of Aladdin and see which one is actually the best.  Would a mini-series of 10 episodes of an hour (HBO style) give more time for bedazzlement, or how about an Aladdin where 2 hours was the goal?  For some ideas less is more.  For others, the more we see the more we love.

On a scale of a baseball game condensed to the pure 20 minutes of action to a natural baseball game, I give Aladdin 4.0 out of 5 stars.

RIP Robin Williams